Seven Ways to Sleep Well

I must have been a vampire in my last lifetime. Yes. I must have been. There is one clear reason why I have often think of that and no it's got nothing to do with my desire to plunge my teeth into your luscious neck and sneak some blood out. No. It is all because I love nighttime and my brain is automatically set at thinking up great thoughts when the rest of the world is busy dreaming.

I know that it's just my grandiose-inspired belief system that wants to think of me as an ageless vampire because, hey, if I was a vampire I would not have to, (a) die and (b) worry about my soul all the time.

But, the crux of the problem is that between the hours of 11 pm and 2 am my brain is at its fertile best and that is when I get a whole lot of thinking done. It's not just me. I several others who have this tendency. We think best post-dinner.

But, all glamour aside, it is a bad habit. Period.

I will not go around glorifying this trait at all because I have realized over the years that the rest of the population does not work like that. School, college and offices work only through the day and most of your family doesn't get your fetish for sitting up like a night owl and burning electricity - a case in example, my father all the years I stayed with my folks.

I have therefore over the years tried several ways to get past this problem. Here are some,

1. Early Dinner

I will start from the bottom and therefore dinner first. Having an early dinner has a whole lot of benefits that have been discussed threadbare across the Internet. I started the practice around a decade back and have realized that it not only keeps me light and attentive but, also makes me fall asleep on time. I think because, by the time 11 pm rolls in, I have been up after dinner for almost 3 or more hours and therefore the mind is probably ready to rest according to its pattern of staying active for 3-4 hours after dinner. There's no scientific proof of it but, it works for me.

2. Put the Phone on Mute

Ever since Facebook and WhatsApp took over my humble phone, it has been ringing all through the day and night because, I have these loads of friends living all over the world. So, they start posting or chatting whenever they wake up - their time. It used to keep me up all night answering them. I have now broken the pattern successfully. Put the phone on mute and face-down when your head hits the pillow for uninterrupted sleep.

3. Thinking Happy Thoughts

One thing that keeps everyone awake through nights is the future. Believe me when I say that I don't worry so much for the present as I do for the future. It's a strange obsession for most living things. What will I have for breakfast tomorrow? What to wear to work in the morning? Should I call the client? Do I take the doctor's appointment tomorrow for my folks? Will it rain? Will I get an A in the exams? The list goes on. While, you cannot do away with worries I have decided to focus on what happened today and to count my blessings. It is hard at times especially after bad days but, becomes easier with practice. Think of all the good things in your life, the people who care for you, the roof over your head, the food in your stomach, books in your personal library, the beautiful prints or paintings on your walls, the chocolate in your fridge, your kids, childhood, generous neighbors... whatever makes you #instahappy. Even if you don't have much to look forward to, you will start feeling lighter and drift off after a while into a dreamless sleep.

4. Set an Alarm and Get Up

The trick is not just in setting the alarm but, in waking up when it rings. I need 8 hours of sleep. Any more including any during the day keeps me up till later at night. So, I count eight hours from the time I go to bad and set the alarm. I wake up within 15 mins before or after the alarm rings. I try avoiding sleeping during the day. That does the trick at night.

5. Walk through the Day

Walk if you don't have the time to exercise otherwise. Walk as much as you can and do physical activities like walking up and down the stairs, doing yoga (even if it is for 20-30 mins in a day). It not only keeps you fit but, also makes you tired enough to fall asleep on time. 

6. Read in Bed

It started when I was in school and used to study late around exams. It ran havoc with my sleep cycle and I could not sleep on time even after the exams got over. That is when one of our teachers suggested "reading the course book you hate the most to fall asleep". She of course meant it as a joke but, I tried that night with Physics and the next with History textbooks. The firsts day, I just took a few minutes to sleep and the second day, I stayed up late into the night. I tried Chemistry the next day and it worked like magic. These days, I am not dependent too much on boredom to put me to sleep but, I do read till I doze off with the phone on my face. Yup! I have succumbed to Kindle. But, reading works. If you are a non-reader, try reading political news on your phone - snoring guaranteed.

7. Wash yourself with Warm Water or take a Shower

This was something I picked up from my father. I always wash my face and feet with warm water before hitting bed. If there is enough time, then I prefer taking a bath before hitting bed. You can only do it if you have your dinner early. If not possible, then washing with warm water works well too.

These were some of my tried and tested ideas for falling asleep. What are yours? Do share with me and I will give it a try.

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

Change is perhaps the only constant in life and therefore, must be embraced with affection. It may not be a great thing always though and needs to be identified and dealt with as soon as you realize it is not doing you good.

Look at migratory birds that fly thousands of miles to avoid Arctic winters. Fly away from toxic changes as soon as you are able to identify them.

I believe that just like the birds we are all equipped to avoid toxic changes in our lives that hurt our well being. I am not talking about toxic people. Those you need to get rid of first before you press the reset button. These are the people who may have pushed you into the darkness in the first place. Don't worry about losing them. The world is full of amazing people waiting to meet the best you. 

It's difficult to make life-altering changes like getting rid of anger and depression. I can say this because, I have fought both with all my might. The former more than the latter.

Anger is like an all-consuming, red-hot and live piece of coal in that you are holding in your hands. The more you flail your hands, the more it burns and hurts you. Because, oxygen - duh!

Anger makes us lose our wisdom, go crazy for long periods of time when all you see is red. It's toxic. It gives you among other things, health issues. I get blinding headaches whenever I am angry. I hate being angry because, that is not my base nature. I am a happy-go-lucky kinda person (or would like to believe so because, believing is the first step into being) who gets on in life because I don't take things too personally. It's a very womanly trait. In normal life we call it, adjustment - all women are taught to adjust because they are expected to.

But, despite my mother's constant effort to make me a loving and adjusting kind of person, I was plagued by anger for a long time - for good reason too.

It took me a project that I worked on with a group of Buddhist practitioners to realize how anger had turned into my base nature because of circumstances. Thankfully with that realization, I could make a strong decision and get rid of it. It was pretty much easy once I had accepted that anger had taken over my personality.

Similarly, depression. I realized I was unable to do the most basic of things without feeling martyred. I would feel sad and everything, even the smallest of tasks seemed impossible to achieve. I told this to a dear friend during a phone conversation where she asked me why I had stopped meeting people. She was astute enough to point me to the right direction. From there on, it was my job to pull myself out of the hole I was sinking into. Not that others had not pointed it out before but, I had never accepted it until it came from her because, she was battling the demon with medicines and therapy because, it had gone too far already.

Change is difficult. Mood changes even more so. Strangely enough when you are plagued by moods, you end up doing some pretty impressive stuff too. I know because I do. Then, you start believing, "Wow! This is so cool. I think, I like it this way."

That is a bad decision to take because, the more you to stick to it the more difficult it gets to rid it off your system.

The first thing to do however, is acceptance. I think (and I am not a doctor) that acceptance of a problem is the first step towards righting it. Unless you accept that there is a problem, you can never work towards a solution.

Here's my list of getting over mood changes with the hope that someone out there reading this post is able to change the direction of their life like I was not once but, many times:

1) Accept the problem

2) Think of the root cause

3) Look inside yourself to find the solution

4) Be the change you want to see - imagine and achieve

5) Become aware of the catalysts and look them in the eye - don't be afraid of them

6) Make lifestyle and routine changes

7) Talk about it with trusted people

8) Make lists (if needed) and follow your own advice

9) If it is impossible to change the root cause, then stop worrying about it and start planning your life away from it

10) Exercise and keep yourself occupied - Read, write, dance, play with kids, watch happy movies, pursue hobbies - whatever it takes

11) Help others in need - no biggies needed, help an old lady cross the road, a child learn a poem. Anything that gives you instant warmth

12) Be thankful and grateful for all that you have

13) Tell people who are important in your life how much they matter

14) Plan your future - nothing long term but, you can easily have short term goals which when you achieve will give you immense pleasure

15) Do the things that used to make you happy as a kid - lie on a sheet of cloth and count stars or watch clouds, play catch with the kids, drink milkshakes or read comics - whatever picked you up when you were little and easily pleased

16) Laugh a lot, giggle and smile at even the silliest of jokes instead of rolling your eyes

17) Spend time with your family and be constructive at home - volunteer to buy groceries, cook or clean up the cupboards

18) Keep a diary - at least in the beginning

19) Read the diary to see how far you have come

20) Finally and this is my DIY pick-me-up formula when things go on recession mode - eat things you love and photograph the moments for happy memories to fall back on when things look bleak

I know that it may not be a great list from a medical point-of-view but, I never took medical advice. I just went for it with the mindset of a conqueror and developed this template for myself.

Today, when winter is finally turning into Spring - literally, I decided to share my list with others who are finding it difficult to adapt to change.

Have a rocking February!

From Being Chased by a Washing Machine to making a New Year Resolution

I seldom dream or as most people have told me, care to remember any of them. But, when I do, I try to decipher it because it is usually a once-in-six-months kind of oddity. 

On the last day of the last year (2017), I went off to sleep around 11 pm because I was shit tired. I had worked long days on the 30th and 31st and was in no position to go out or wait for the fireworks to go off. I fell on my bed and literally died till I was woken up by my own voice trying to shout but, sounding like that of a wounded animal in pain. 

I think it was the sound that woke me up. I have never shouted in my sleep ever before or been woken up by my own voice. 

As I opened my eyes to a grey room I recalled the dream vividly. I was being chased by a washing machine inside a home and I was running away from it. 

I also recalled thinking someone was pushing it to follow me and that if I shouted for help, I would be rescued by people - most probably my family - who were in the next room.

I tried shouting but, I was unable to. I tried really hard a few times and that is when I made that garbled noise that woke me up.

As I came to consciousness in my own bedroom in the apartment I live in alone, I was scared for a bit. What did happen? Who was trying to chase me? Why was that person or apparition hiding behind a washing machine of all things to chase me down?

Questions that my mind started forming within minutes of my waking up. By the time my breath returned to normal, I was wondering what message was my mind trying to share with me.

Then suddenly I realized it was the new year and the old one just slipped away while I was sleeping. 

As is human, I started feeling happy about the new and soon forgot about the crazy 'chase scene' and fell back to sleep dreaming of fresh new stuff. After all, who doesn't love the new?

In the next two days, though I did not stop thinking about it and discussed it with my family. My mother found it extremely scary - but, she is my mother. Then, my sister asked me something very interesting, "Are you running away from something?"

That was a good start. So, I started thinking if there was any truth in her query. There was no one to ask but, myself and I spent a lot of time thinking if I was indeed trying to run away from anything in particular. 

A day later - today - I opened up dream interpretation sites and read about chase dreams. Bingo!

She was right. That exactly was how chases were explained. 

I have been running away from a whole lot of decisions from a long time. I have been procrastinating and even avoiding my own counsel. 

It doesn't take a lot of insight to interpret a dream when you are nudged in the right direction. 

The washing machine was probably my own creative imagination that made me make up all the fancy and Surf Excel excuses that help me put off doing things by another day and then another and yet one more. 

So, my super-simple new year resolution would be to worry not and jump into the fray.

There's not much to lose is there. A wise man (may God rest his soul) had once told me many years ago, "there are only two ways a situation can go. Negative or positive. There is no in-between." 

Somewhere in the rat race called life, I had forgotten this absolute gem of an advice and started worrying too much about failing. It's silly in the long run to be scared of not doing something because of the fear of not passing with flying colors.

Life is actually simple because, either we have or we don't have certain things. What we have doesn't come with a guarantee of forever after and what we don't have is always a possibility that we can achieve.

My father, another wise man whose interpretation of life is really very simple always insisted that everything goes away eventually. I have been so burdened with the scare of losing that I had stopped taking the leap of faith. 



This year when it came through, tried to jolt me awake and make me aware of my inactivity. 

It was funny too for the simple reason that probably the universe was irritated by my status quo or maybe it was my inner self. So, something as innocuous as a washing machine was used to chase me out of my stupor by powers that be. 

Once I had uncovered the meaning of the great chase and scream dream sequence that made my life exciting in the pre-dawn hours of the new year, I laughed. I laughed hard at the exasperation of my self that is so tired of me putting things off.

It made it very easy for me to form my resolution - "get moving"!

Have a great and awesome new 2018 and, "get your ass moving people!" Because, it is always better to chase your dreams rather than be chased by them. 

My Thanksgiving Speech Sans the Turkey Roast

It's Thanksgiving once again and amidst amazing pictures of dinning tables and happy families across the seven seas I thought I'd get going with my thank you list - a tradition I started last year.

Let me tell you right here that this not a festival I celebrate personally nor do we get around the table at home and carve a turkey nor has it caught on in India - yet. But, I simply love the spirit of Thanksgiving. 

Being grateful brings great joy. It gives immense satisfaction. It makes one feel positive and happy and I like being happy. 

So, here goes my list for the year gone by. And... my vote of thanks goes to:

Family and Friends

As is the tradition - from what I have seen in innumerable Hollywood movies - I want to start with thanking my family and friends. Thank you, all of you and even if we did not get to speak at all this year, know that I cherish you all and am immensely thankful for your presence in my life. As is wont to happen in life, towards the sagging end of glorious spring - which I am going to be holding on to for a few more decades - I have realized that life is about relationships and nothing is more precious than human interactions. I will always be grateful for having you all around in all corners of the planet and know that there would have been no story of my life without each one of you in it. Thank you! Thank you and Thank you all! 

The Internet

This year because I have been working as a consultant without any fixed brick and mortar office. I would like to thank the Internet from the bottom of my heart for being there and making this miracle happen. I couldn't have done it without you! Lots of love and immense gratitude.

YouTube

Being a consultant and setting up a practice of my own also meant that I spent long hours at home working and calling strangers on phone and rushing out once in a while to meet people and working the official odd hours. Which means, I had scant time to actually go out and get entertained. This is where YouTube came to my rescue. From movies to comedy to gossip and news, I just had it all whenever I could find time. Considering I have not had a cable connection for more than a decade now, thanks to the new tube I can enjoy the magic of motion pictures once more! Thanks especially to the ever-sassy, IISuperwomanII, Pemberly Digital and Hallmark Channel's family-oriented love dramas. I know it sounds totally sappy but, hey! It's Thanksgiving. I refuse to lie. Thanks for the clean-cut and guilt-free entertainment any time I am free. 

Twitter

Oh! Thank you for making the adrenaline rush without going to the treadmill! It's a war zone out there and I really don't know what I'd have done without the excitement. It's addictive to invite trolls and then cry foul when the insults start! Ahhh! For cheap thrills! I love, love, love this site for bringing out the pseudo-intellectual snob in me. It's a great workout for the idle mind - I swear! 

Instagram

Who needs to go to a spa to relax when you can see the world in one click and be sucked into a fairy tale universe? I love the Instagram like nothing I have or perhaps will - err... maybe that was a perfect example of over-commitment but, hey! I live in the present, so... It makes my faith grow in leaps and bound for the planet Earth. The most beautiful planet with the most photogenic houses run over by the cutest and most well-mannered kids in perfect clothes with perfect kitchens overflowing with lovely food, the beautiful ladies and pearls of wisdom. The list of all things beautiful here is overwhelming. All's well with the world and God's in Heaven! Amen! 

PS: It's addictive. I think I may need rehab after a while for being this delusional first thing in the morning. Gee! But, Thanks for the awesome dopamine high every morning. Who needs dope? #instadope #instahope

Pinterest

My teenage life's greatest wish was having scrapbooks full of beautiful pictures that were actually my wishlist and what do you know? I have boards that take me to La La Land whenever I want to bail out. I used to love Pinterest the most till Instagram happened but, it still remains one of my favorite guilty pleasures. My secret scrapbook of my ultra secret wet dreams of fashion, travel bucket list, art, vintage cinema... all in one place on the worldwide web. Thank you so much!

Kindle

Though I only use the App but, nothing beats the pleasure of snuggling up in the bed and reading on the phone's white light - ruining my eyes beyond repair - and falling asleep with the phone lying flat on my nose making me sneeze and snore! But, that's just a very small price to pay. I just love all the free paranormal and young adult fiction that makes me feel less than half my real age and actually ready to take on the world till I wake up with an achy breakey back in the morning. Sigh! But, hey I love it and I will always be thankful of the fact that I can continue reading easy fiction without choking my home with more books. What more can one ask for? #Instaentertainment #Instahappiness

Writing

I can never be tired of thanking the universe for giving me the ability to write. It is the best thing in my life - it pays my bills, puts food on the table and lets me express myself like I can never do in person in a room full of people. Thank you dear ancestor whoever shared your gene with me!

Random Acts of Kindness

Over the years I have realized the hard way that no man or as in this case, woman, is an island. To all the random people who have ever appeared in my life out of nowhere just to give me a smile for no reason, the strangers who have taken my side out of the blue in a room full of people pushing me to a corner, people who have shared a seat in a crowded Metro or saved me from slipping on wet floor - happens all the time, shared water on a hot summer day or just randomly put a hand on my head to say, "God bless!" for no reason. I am thankful to you all for having appeared out of the blue  to cheer me up whenever life tried to break my back - happens all the time. You all make me feel happy to be a part of the human race and though it may sound too uncool and sentimental but, I wish on this Thanksgiving to be able to be like you kind people who taught me the greatest lesson in life, "it's always possible to be kind!"

Thank you everyone who I have already met and those I am yet to meet. I so look forward to getting inspired by you kind folks for the rest of my life. 

Thank you universe for putting me where I am and taking me through this amazing journey called the story of my life!

Thank you!

Beat Stress without Breaking Sweat

As circa 2017 rolls to an end, I am left wondering at the speed at which it flew. The roller-coaster ride has left me breathless and panting. As the days flew by all I was doing was running to catch-up on tasks. Stress has been my arch-enemy for years now and we are often found squaring each other up, looking in the eye and getting ready to fight. This year was no different from the last though over the years I have invented many old fashioned ways to beat stress, my arch-nemesis.

Stress, that dreaded six-letter word never leaves the modern person even for a minute. Whether you are committed to working for one organization or juggling work for a multiple, like I do these days, it keeps dogging your footsteps all the time. The only saving grace this year was the fact that I didn't have to travel as much as I was earlier in my full-time job holder avatar. But, working from home or even from one office for another can be equally tricky because the distractions or the lack of them are often enough to bring on their own set of issues.

Over the years I have found several easy and cost-effective ways to stay happy. I would like to believe that I am my own anti-stress ninja. So because I an feeling extremely generous today, I thought of sharing some here with anyone who'd care to read this post. 

Here's my list:

Meditation: I absolutely swear by it. If you can just sit is one space and count your breath and feel it going in and coming out for even 15 minutes in a day you will be able to face the day much easily.

Chanting: Chant anything that makes you feel good. It could be an ancient and holy mantra or something that you have made up yourself to give you a morale booster. For example, you can chant, "I shall overcome anything that comes my way" over and over right before you start your day and just see how it effects your psyche. You can chant anytime of the day and under any circumstance to overcome your latent fear, fatigue or worries. It always helps.

Deep Breathing: No. This is not a new-age fad. Deep breathing is actually helpful. If you are unable to make a choice or you have too much work that is all on priority, deep breathing will help you overcome any kind of panic. Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Hold it for a few seconds. Pass it out through your mouth. Repeat a few times till the palpitation in you heart has settled down and so has your brain. Don't let panic get the better of you. Never decide when your head and heart are in turmoil.

Walking: This is the best way to settle your mind though I don't walk so much these days as I used to earlier because of the high rate of pollution but, if you are in a deeply troubled state and need to clear your head, walking till you sweat really helps. In case you have trouble sleeping then, half an hour of brisk walking before you sit down for dinner really helps. It works up your appetite and tires you enough to make you fall into sleep on time. In case you have time to take longer walks, then do so by all means, walking is the best cardio exercise you can indulge yourself in. I walk alone but, you can also do it in a group however, see to it that the group should not be walking too slow. The walk that will help you overcome stress and help you sleep needs to be brisk and long. Hang out with your friends at leisure at some other time if they want a leisurely canter with lots of gossip thrown in.

Listen to other peoples' problems: This is a very useful therapy but, indulge only if you can be unbiased and can keep things to yourself. By just listening to other peoples' problems and suggesting solutions as a third party helps you to unplug your immediate worries and lets you think. This helps immensely because, it helps your head and heart to detach from your own sufferings and start thinking of solutions. However, do it ONLY if you can be unbiased and also if you can stay detached to be able to guide and help others without getting sucked into their problems and adding to your own.

Help Out: Do it purely as a physical activity that goes on to help others. It need not necessarily be for an NGO or in a slum. You can help someone ill in the neighborhood by cooking for their family or taking care of their infant or a pet. You could help your elderly neighbor by watering their plants or buying grocery for them when you go out to buy your own. This kind of neighborly volunteering helps you build relationships with real people who appreciate your help and it is not something you need to go out of your way to do either. It's like car pool. You pick up a few people to ride with you because there is space in your car and they are going your way. 

Adopt a Pet: It could be a tree that needs watering or a stray cat or dog or any other animal or bird that needs to be fed. You don't need to bring them home, just ensure that they are fed and happy wherever they are and run them to the neighborhood vet if they are not feeling well.

Start a Hobby: This is the best way to beat the blues. Pick up a hobby that doesn't need too much time or expense like, cooking or clicking pictures with your smartphone. You could also take up painting or singing if you have the time and a teacher nearby. Hobbies make you happy. They give you a sense of accomplishment. You could just get a bunch of underprivileged kids on your balcony and teach them the English alphabet if teaching is what you like. The sense of joy is immense.

Travel: Go away for a few days if you can. You could go solo or take that one dear friend with you who never badgers you. Taking a simple break is always a great therapy for a stressed mind. If time is a constrain then play tourist in your city. Instead of hitting the mall, go to a museum or for a painting exhibition. Walk around a famous monument, eat local food from authentic joints or do a picnic with your family on a Sunday. A change of scene is always a great detox. It will help you overcome your immediate problems and think clearly.

Sleep: This is my personal favorite though it is often only a short-term solution. If I don't know the answer to a problem, I sleep on it. Sleep refreshes the body and relaxes the mind. Usually, it is easier to find the solution to your problems when you wake up with an uncluttered mind. 

Smile: This is perhaps the most difficult to do than all the others that I have noted above. But, if you can crack a smile and think of a funny incident in the midst of a chaotic day, your stress levels will take a southwards plunge. A smile is like a personal cuddle. It warms you up from inside and immediately relaxes you. Personally, I think of the antics of my young niece whenever I feel stressed. It never fails to make me smile even on a really dark day of work. Whether sitting in a traffic jam or unable to prioritize work for the day despite multiple deadlines, a simple happy thought and the smile that it brings can relax you in seconds. So, keep the happy memories handy on a difficult day. Think of all the happy times you have had and smile a lot. 

These are a few things that I practice to de-clutter and reactivate my brains on stressful days and even when things are going great. The idea is to practice these things so that they become a part of your life and personality. With these simple things as a part of your life, you can breathe happy and stay stress-free all the time. 

(Images courtesy, the Internet)

Say 'No' to Stay Happy

Life is never easy and mostly this is because there are too many choices to make. For every decision you take there are a thousand that 'could have been' or 'would have been' or 'if only'.

Personally, I have always faced a problem has been saying 'No'. I have always been scared of making someone unhappy by saying no when they want me to say, 'Yes'.

It had made my life thoroughly complicated and difficult for many years. The idea that I will hurt someone by saying 'No' always ended up by me being miserable for a long time for saying, 'Yes'.

The heart always knows what is right and the wise always go with their heart. I finally learnt to say 'No' from my young niece. When she was just learning to communicate at around the age two years, she would very clearly let us know if she did not want something. She'd simply say, 'no' and stick to her decision. Whether it was on food, time to be put to sleep, who she would want to be carried around by - for every decision, she'd look at what is on display and give her emphatic decision.

I learnt from her. By closely following her whims, I realized that she was exercising her right to choice without any outward influence. It did not matter whose heart she was breaking by saying no. What mattered was whether she was comfortable with the final decision - I observed that she always was. Once she decided, she stuck to the decision and stayed happy. She actually is a happy human being who is able to light up a dark day with her laughter.

Most of us are like her when while growing up. But, adulthood and society takes care of us soon and we become slaves to what is supposedly 'expected behavior.'

But, each time we say 'yes' to something that we wanted to say 'no' to, we kill a bit of ourselves by putting our happiness on hold.

Since Dussehra just passed us by, another story struck me and made me believe that what I learnt from the baby in the last couple of years was absolutely correct. It is the story of Ratnakar bandit who later became the great sage, Valmiki.

Ratnakar confessed to a monk he had captured that he became a dreaded criminal and highway robber to feed his family. The monk very calmly asked him to go back to his family and ask them if they were ready to take his sins on their heads because he was 'killing and looting innocents to feed them'.

Ratnakar without hesitating for a moment said, "of course they do. They are my mother, father, wife and children. They have always known what I do and how I bring home food. They are partners in my life of crime because they are benefiting from it."

The monk who was tied-up to a huge tree and had the fierce Ratnakar staring at him in the eye with a scimitar ready to behead him said, "Nothing is involuntary in the universe. Go and ask your family and if they say that they are ready to take your sins on their heads, I will be happy to die by your hands."

Ratnakar somehow could not say, 'No'. Perhaps this was his biggest character flaw as he was soon to realize.

He went back to his family in the jungle and asked each one of them separately and then, together but, everyone unanimously refused to take on his sins including his mother and beloved children. They all said, 'it was your duty to take care of us and you did it the way you decided to. We never influenced or asked you to take on a life of crime and murder to feed us. It was your decision to do so and therefore, the sins that you have incurred are also yours.'

No amount of begging or crying would change their minds. Finally, the truth hit the dreaded bandit that we are alone are responsible for taking our own decisions and therefore to suffer or reap the rewards of the Karma we make from them.

He thought he was making his family happy but, in taking care of their happiness he refused to take a road that might have been less paying thinking it would make his family happy. Probably they were too but, Ratnakar himself was not. He was miserable and constantly afraid of death that he meted out to others all the time. Probably it was his inability to overcome his fear of death that made him listen to the monk who had nothing to lose.

In saying 'Yes' to a path of crime, Ratnakar had permanently written-off his choice to be free of the ghosts of his own making. He was successful but, not happy.

He went back to the monk, let him off and took up a vow to cleanse his sins by praying on an ant hill for many years.

How that worked out and how he became the revered saint Valmiki, the author of Ramayana is another story and perhaps his reward for accumulating good Karma post renunciation of the material world.

That day however, was an eye-opener for Ratnakar because, he realized the hard way like most of us that we alone have to suffer our choices. No one will take up the responsibility of our mistakes or bad choices even if we have taken it to make them happy.

What matters is to listen to your heart and follow what your gut tells you.

Choose wisely to live happily because we are the protagonists of our stories and each story deserves a happy ending.

Letter to Myself: Thank You Universe for another Happy Birthday!

Dear Life,

Birthdays are milestones in the story of life but, most tend to get lost in a haze of celebrations (pre-Internet era) and texting "thank you" notes these days.

Today I stopped midway to say thanks to the universe.

Why the universe?

Because, I have now with my slightly cracked-opened mind and heart (it happens as you age) with the "light" coming in through the chinks, I have realized that salvation lies in merging with "The One".

What is "The One"?

That can be interpreted in several ways, one God, one soul, the eternal world. Somewhere where there is harmony and peace. It could also be in a corner of this world or on Moon - who knows?

So basically, after all these eventful decades, I have decided to choose love over war.

No. That certainly doesn't make me a Hippie. But, it means for sure that I am more at peace with myself than I was in my younger self. I am aware of my strengths, I know I am emotional and how to hide it like I have learnt how to hide belly fat and I have decided that only rats run in races. I am NOT a rat!

I know that I am unique and capable of a lot of things that others find very difficult to do and many that I cannot. But, that is fine. I know someone else is better equipped to do it and that is their forte. I am not ashamed of not being able to take up that job.

I like it that I don't know everything. It means I am sane and not a control freak. But, I also know that I can pick up most things pretty fast because I have a curious mind.

Many people hate me but, that is their problem. I care only for those who have seen me through thick and thin.

This is the reason why I want to make another list of thank yous and send it out to the universe. So, here's my list:

Thank you universe for:

1) Wisdom to understand myself and my drawbacks and not feel bad about it

2) Wisdom to empathize but not get swept up by the feeling

3) My human self which comes pre-fitted with the best equipment like, the limbs to run and pick things with, tongue to taste, eyes to see and appreciate, ears to hear and understand meaning of each and every noise and the direction it is coming from and for being the perfect place to perch my glasses on. The nose to smell - danger, food and news! For the brain that takes care of the body, for my stomach, liver, kidneys and every bone in my skeleton. My teeth and nails, hair and skin that is so fragile that I HAVE to wear nice clothes to protect it.

4) My parents and family, because of whom I stay happy and calm

5) My friends and like-minded souls who never forget to give me a hand when I am falling

6) My books and all the writers who have written them with faith, wisdom and filled them with hours of entertainment

7) Movies that never fail to mesmerize me with their visualization that brings characters live on screen

8) Random people who never cease to amaze me with their kindness and warmth

9) Ice cream that keeps me going in Summer when my birthday comes and with it Summer vacations because of which I never got to celebrate in school. It used to feel like tragedy then

10) Food because it can kill the pain of even the worst break-ups

11) Art because it can heal any wound - emotional or physical and help you look and feel good (will explain in detail another time)

12) Teachers for being around always to show the way

13) Babies for demonstrating unconditional love

14) My inner being that shows me the way - this one is impossible to explain but, I swear I am not bi-polar. I took several online tests to check

15) My curious nature that allows me to live everyday counting a hundred small victories rather than one huge failure

I thank the universe for giving me all that is beautiful on Earth and for making those awfully painful cracks in my mind and heart to let the light in.

And finally, thank you all for reading this. May your life be happy and may everyone learn to count their blessings.

Love and light!

#4 Dear me! Letters to Myself: Happy Thanksgiving

 

Dear life,

Everyone's happy today in the US and eating Turkey dinners. Their outgoing President even pardoned a turkey and spared its life. How magnanimous!

You know how I love festivals and so, I thought of you and the journey of my life so far.

The long list of happy memories far outweighed the list of things that went wrong like, the time when as a teenager I and my cousin ended up watching a wrong movie at the theatre because we were too shy to ask for a ticket for the movie of our choice. Instead, we asked for 'a ticket' for the next show - which we were told was about to start. We never questioned what was playing assuming it was the new Amir Khan film because there were enough posters around us saying so.

I still remember waiting patiently thinking that the English film, Conan the Barbarian, was just a long-ish trailer and the Juhi Chawla film, Goonj, will start any moment. It didn't help that the morning show didn't have any interval.

We almost cried when 'The End' loomed up dashing all our hopes of redemption. Oh! The follies of innocence and youth.

I have till date not watched the movie in deference to the teenaged me who didn't have the money to watch it in the next show!

Anyhow, today is not about losses. Today is about gains. And though we may not get to eat a turkey tonight - it doesn't matter. I am still happy because I can count my blessings with you.

So, without further ado here is the list:

1) My Family - for their love, kindness and unconditional support - that was a no-brainer!
2) My Friends - for their patience and positivity - I am very poor at keeping in touch :(
3) My Teachers - for believing in me and nurturing my ambitions
4) Children - for sharing their unconditional love - especially three little girls I'll always remember
5) Books - for being the best medicine for every ailment I've had
6) Films - for eliminating boredom and keeping hope alive
7) Travel - for killing the blight called monotony, the bane of my existence
8) Star Trek - for making me believe in science
9) Harry Potter and JK Rawlings - for making me believe in magic
10) Rains - for making me believe in miracles
11) Ice Cream - for making me believe that cold is better than bearable
12) Sea - for turning me into a believer
13) Shakespeare - for just-in-time philosophy
14) Hand Creams - for helping cope with dry air conditioned offices
15) Table Lamps and Cushion Covers - for instantly refreshing home decor
16) Van Gogh - for filling me with curiosity and a different perspective
17) Tintin - for being an amazing role model
18) Cars - for making me self-reliant
19) Delhi - for making me curious about History
20) Bombay - for making me trust again

That was not a huge list but, writing it up made me smile from inside out. Happiness is not a thing that you can buy at the grocery store or a mall but, a feeling that stays in your heart pumping blood into the brains. :D

I remember when I didn't have the money to buy a camera, I would simply capture frames with my eyes and string them into poems. It was such a beautiful way to capture memories and keep them alive!

Today when I look at this list, I know that each point has several layers and memories accumulated in it. If I was to elaborate each one, I can fill pages till I run out of space to write and you the patience to read. But, there is no need for that. You already know what I know.

Happy Thanksgiving dear life!

Love,

Shoma

#3 Dear me! Letters to Myself: Coming of Age

Image Courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

Dear Life,

This is my third letter to you.

I now start my day thinking what to write to you because there is so much I want to tell you. My head is full of reasons why I must thank you. I wonder why did I take this long to start?

This morning I remembered myself as a kid in school. I laughed thinking how I used to pray in the assembly hoping teachers would forget that they had given assignments if I had forgotten to complete mine, and how mostly my prayers were answered. I thought I was a lucky little girl.

How I wish dear life, that I had not squandered wishes away on unfinished assignments. I didn't know then that the genie only grants a limited number of wishes and we must ask for them only after careful consideration.

Nothing had really prepared me for sudden adulthood. Least of all, school or college where I was protected, cherished and given wings to fly.

Then dear life, came my violently ushered coming of age. It was sudden.

I woke up from a pleasant dream kicking and screaming with tears streaming down my cheeks to find that I was an adult who was untrained to deal with the real world. It was scary and I had no mechanism to cope with it.

Shame, loss, betrayal, illness... You name it and I had it shoved at me. In one stroke, my life was - I thought - ruined.

It was nothing like the lovely coming-of-age movies I had grown up watching, where, pretty boys and girls in beautiful dresses and hairstyles went through small confusions, overcame them and lived happily ever after.

Mine was all blood, sweat and the nasty realization that some people really hated me though I had given them no reason for it.

It was while flailing down a dark hole that I encountered others who were concerned and reached out to pull me back. I was so scared that I didn't know if I wanted to be saved. Did these people really want to save me? Why? Was it pity?

Eventually, I learnt that just like haters, there is no accounting for people who love you. There's no formula for this.

Thankfully I had you. My most trusted confidante. You were patient, understanding and allowed me to vent out my feelings.

I knew that you did not pity me.

You let me cry.

You helped me understand my pains, the reasons for them and gradually made me let go of my anger.

It is your most precious gift and I cannot thank you enough for it.

You stood with me on the shore of a friendly sea in a busy city. when I just said, "I give up my anger and pardon everyone who has wronged me!"

How I laughed and chuckled and jumped that morning. The gentle breeze fanning my spirit to soar, There was nothing weighing me down. I was free. Free to be an adult.

It was my most liberating moment and I can still touch the feeling as I write.

Thank you, thank you and thank you again.

With anger out of the way, you took me by my hands and pulled me inside. You showed me my heart. You introduced me to my spirit. You helped me put on my wings again and fly.

You also taught me to be kind and generous and to open my heart to other people and to help them.

I think that was a smashing gift! I know, 'smashing'! Funny? No? But, it was. It smashed all the boundaries around my heart.

Thank you for making me a better human being by allowing the light to pour in through the cracks of my shattered self worth. You made me glow with that light, put a smile on my lips and kindness in my eyes.

I now know that people spend a lifetime or a lot of money on cosmetics to get this look.

Thank you dear life for being my guide!

Love,

Shoma

Image Courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

#2 Dear me! Letters to Myself - Falling Leaves

Falling leaves
Image Courtesy: Shoma

Dear Life,

I know that this is a sudden spurt but, like I said, I had been wanting to write to me/ you/us for a long time. For years now I have been my own best friend and confidante.

Today, as October has turned into November and the dried leaves filled up the backyard, I did not clear it as I usually do. Instead, I sat down with you to think, to look back and relax.

You may have called me a few names for not getting chores done but, it did not matter. Just sitting there with feet dipped in sunlight falling across the threshold was enough to stop you from lecturing me in just a few minutes. Oh! How the mighty fall!

Rest and be thankful
Image Courtesy: Shoma

The thoughts were not too difficult to follow were they?

Remembering the raw and ripe mangoes filling up the place just a few months ago.

Raw mangoes were falling like the now dried leaves at one point and it was such a pleasant surprise to wake up and find them scattered all around waiting to be picked up.

Once the novelty wore off, I stopped picking them up and instead left them for the domestic and society help. Food's food, isn't it?

A few days later, the ripe fruits would start plopping down. It was a funny surprise.

Still sleepy, I thought it was the neighbours upstairs throwing down half or partially-eaten mangoes because most of them were somewhat eaten.

It took a few minutes to imagine what was happening. It was the birds, feasting on the fruits while they were still hanging up there on the branches!

It made me laugh so much. I looked at the fruits, half eaten and thought, "Wow! Organic! Innocent and sitting ducks."

Fallen
Image Courtesy: Shoma

And today, the leaves are falling, messing up the same place which it had once studded with fruits.

Dried leaves. Who wants them? Who needs them? And certainly, no one is burning them this winter.

It's after almost a month that we could actually open the door and sit out for a while. The smog had made it Hell for so long. 'No bonfires please, we are choking!'

Yes. Life is like that. One day you are raw, then, ripe, thrown around half chewed and then - gone up in smoke.

Death is not the end though because all those who have laughed with you when you were raw and ripe and cried for you when you were chewed up and thrown out will remember you and think of you when you are nothing more than a bunch of dried leaves being burnt into ashes. You will continue to live in their memories and perhaps only die when they are gone too.

Crumpled
Image Courtesy: Shoma

Dear life. I am happy to have you as a friend and companion because together we make a great pair. Especially now, when we have been through so much and seen life from such close quarters.

Grateful to have you around and, I promise to keep writing.

Love,

Shoma

Tree of life
Image Courtesy: Shoma

#1 Dear Zindagi - Love you Dearly!

Thank you Dear Zindagi! :) - Image courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

Dear Zindagi,

I write to you today not because it is a contest that I want to win but, because, I have wanted to for long.

So many are born lucky and have envious lives but, thanks to you, my humdrum middle-class existence has never been short of surprises.

I think life is actually monotonous if it doesn't pack surprises at every step. Like a skating rink, it's slippery and slidey and oh so much fun and so beautiful to look at in a showreel once you get it right.

And you dear zindagi made me realise that "Hey! I am the heroine of my life!" Much before it became a famous phrase.

I want to thank you for all the crazy opportunities that you gave me that may look tough on the outside but, were actually a lot of fun to wrestle with - I look back on them with a sense of awe and a smile.

I remember me, lost and broken in a strange city by the sea. The sunlight was so harsh that it made my skin erupt in allergies. A city so lonely that I only had on and off conversations with the tree outside my window.

I remember a Diwali night when I was all alone in the house with neither friend or family, crying quietly sitting on the floor, taking comfort from the knowledge that the tree outside would be there to silently support my longings. In walked a large golden labrador and snuggled down next to me. I will never forget her kindness and I always stop to thank her every Diwali for those soft brown eyes full of empathy. I remember her waiting till my meltdown was over, to lick the tears off my face.

"Maggi, thank you till eternity and more."

This may have started sounding teary and soft but, life is all about blood, sweat and tears.

Of blood, I remember the first time I had periods as a preteen and the misery of believing I had some life-threatening disease and dying.

Dear life! I will never forget the gentle touch of my father who found the blood-smeared garments and me and told me that I was not dying. I will never forget the relief when ma joined him and tried to bring objectivity to the entire episode.

I will also never forget that for a few years from that day, I would pray each month that it stops forever so I could go back to my normal life.

Today, I pray for the exact opposite and laugh at myself.

Lastly dear zindagi, the day I meditated on the love I have received in my lifetime. I focused on all the episodes involving strangers, friends, family and acquaintances. Dear zindagi, I cannot tell you how I cried just within the fist one minute because I was so overwhelmed - I was precious. I was so loved.

That is when I knew that my life is a lovely technicolour dream to be enjoyed till the last breath.

Thank you dear zindagi!

Love you,

Shoma

“I am writing a letter to life for the #DearZindagi activity at BlogAdda”.