Letter to Myself: Thank You Universe for another Happy Birthday!

Dear Life,

Birthdays are milestones in the story of life but, most tend to get lost in a haze of celebrations (pre-Internet era) and texting "thank you" notes these days.

Today I stopped midway to say thanks to the universe.

Why the universe?

Because, I have now with my slightly cracked-opened mind and heart (it happens as you age) with the "light" coming in through the chinks, I have realized that salvation lies in merging with "The One".

What is "The One"?

That can be interpreted in several ways, one God, one soul, the eternal world. Somewhere where there is harmony and peace. It could also be in a corner of this world or on Moon - who knows?

So basically, after all these eventful decades, I have decided to choose love over war.

No. That certainly doesn't make me a Hippie. But, it means for sure that I am more at peace with myself than I was in my younger self. I am aware of my strengths, I know I am emotional and how to hide it like I have learnt how to hide belly fat and I have decided that only rats run in races. I am NOT a rat!

I know that I am unique and capable of a lot of things that others find very difficult to do and many that I cannot. But, that is fine. I know someone else is better equipped to do it and that is their forte. I am not ashamed of not being able to take up that job.

I like it that I don't know everything. It means I am sane and not a control freak. But, I also know that I can pick up most things pretty fast because I have a curious mind.

Many people hate me but, that is their problem. I care only for those who have seen me through thick and thin.

This is the reason why I want to make another list of thank yous and send it out to the universe. So, here's my list:

Thank you universe for:

1) Wisdom to understand myself and my drawbacks and not feel bad about it

2) Wisdom to empathize but not get swept up by the feeling

3) My human self which comes pre-fitted with the best equipment like, the limbs to run and pick things with, tongue to taste, eyes to see and appreciate, ears to hear and understand meaning of each and every noise and the direction it is coming from and for being the perfect place to perch my glasses on. The nose to smell - danger, food and news! For the brain that takes care of the body, for my stomach, liver, kidneys and every bone in my skeleton. My teeth and nails, hair and skin that is so fragile that I HAVE to wear nice clothes to protect it.

4) My parents and family, because of whom I stay happy and calm

5) My friends and like-minded souls who never forget to give me a hand when I am falling

6) My books and all the writers who have written them with faith, wisdom and filled them with hours of entertainment

7) Movies that never fail to mesmerize me with their visualization that brings characters live on screen

8) Random people who never cease to amaze me with their kindness and warmth

9) Ice cream that keeps me going in Summer when my birthday comes and with it Summer vacations because of which I never got to celebrate in school. It used to feel like tragedy then

10) Food because it can kill the pain of even the worst break-ups

11) Art because it can heal any wound - emotional or physical and help you look and feel good (will explain in detail another time)

12) Teachers for being around always to show the way

13) Babies for demonstrating unconditional love

14) My inner being that shows me the way - this one is impossible to explain but, I swear I am not bi-polar. I took several online tests to check

15) My curious nature that allows me to live everyday counting a hundred small victories rather than one huge failure

I thank the universe for giving me all that is beautiful on Earth and for making those awfully painful cracks in my mind and heart to let the light in.

And finally, thank you all for reading this. May your life be happy and may everyone learn to count their blessings.

Love and light!

#3 Dear me! Letters to Myself: Coming of Age

Image Courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

Dear Life,

This is my third letter to you.

I now start my day thinking what to write to you because there is so much I want to tell you. My head is full of reasons why I must thank you. I wonder why did I take this long to start?

This morning I remembered myself as a kid in school. I laughed thinking how I used to pray in the assembly hoping teachers would forget that they had given assignments if I had forgotten to complete mine, and how mostly my prayers were answered. I thought I was a lucky little girl.

How I wish dear life, that I had not squandered wishes away on unfinished assignments. I didn't know then that the genie only grants a limited number of wishes and we must ask for them only after careful consideration.

Nothing had really prepared me for sudden adulthood. Least of all, school or college where I was protected, cherished and given wings to fly.

Then dear life, came my violently ushered coming of age. It was sudden.

I woke up from a pleasant dream kicking and screaming with tears streaming down my cheeks to find that I was an adult who was untrained to deal with the real world. It was scary and I had no mechanism to cope with it.

Shame, loss, betrayal, illness... You name it and I had it shoved at me. In one stroke, my life was - I thought - ruined.

It was nothing like the lovely coming-of-age movies I had grown up watching, where, pretty boys and girls in beautiful dresses and hairstyles went through small confusions, overcame them and lived happily ever after.

Mine was all blood, sweat and the nasty realization that some people really hated me though I had given them no reason for it.

It was while flailing down a dark hole that I encountered others who were concerned and reached out to pull me back. I was so scared that I didn't know if I wanted to be saved. Did these people really want to save me? Why? Was it pity?

Eventually, I learnt that just like haters, there is no accounting for people who love you. There's no formula for this.

Thankfully I had you. My most trusted confidante. You were patient, understanding and allowed me to vent out my feelings.

I knew that you did not pity me.

You let me cry.

You helped me understand my pains, the reasons for them and gradually made me let go of my anger.

It is your most precious gift and I cannot thank you enough for it.

You stood with me on the shore of a friendly sea in a busy city. when I just said, "I give up my anger and pardon everyone who has wronged me!"

How I laughed and chuckled and jumped that morning. The gentle breeze fanning my spirit to soar, There was nothing weighing me down. I was free. Free to be an adult.

It was my most liberating moment and I can still touch the feeling as I write.

Thank you, thank you and thank you again.

With anger out of the way, you took me by my hands and pulled me inside. You showed me my heart. You introduced me to my spirit. You helped me put on my wings again and fly.

You also taught me to be kind and generous and to open my heart to other people and to help them.

I think that was a smashing gift! I know, 'smashing'! Funny? No? But, it was. It smashed all the boundaries around my heart.

Thank you for making me a better human being by allowing the light to pour in through the cracks of my shattered self worth. You made me glow with that light, put a smile on my lips and kindness in my eyes.

I now know that people spend a lifetime or a lot of money on cosmetics to get this look.

Thank you dear life for being my guide!

Love,

Shoma

Image Courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

#1 Dear Zindagi - Love you Dearly!

Thank you Dear Zindagi! :) - Image courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

Dear Zindagi,

I write to you today not because it is a contest that I want to win but, because, I have wanted to for long.

So many are born lucky and have envious lives but, thanks to you, my humdrum middle-class existence has never been short of surprises.

I think life is actually monotonous if it doesn't pack surprises at every step. Like a skating rink, it's slippery and slidey and oh so much fun and so beautiful to look at in a showreel once you get it right.

And you dear zindagi made me realise that "Hey! I am the heroine of my life!" Much before it became a famous phrase.

I want to thank you for all the crazy opportunities that you gave me that may look tough on the outside but, were actually a lot of fun to wrestle with - I look back on them with a sense of awe and a smile.

I remember me, lost and broken in a strange city by the sea. The sunlight was so harsh that it made my skin erupt in allergies. A city so lonely that I only had on and off conversations with the tree outside my window.

I remember a Diwali night when I was all alone in the house with neither friend or family, crying quietly sitting on the floor, taking comfort from the knowledge that the tree outside would be there to silently support my longings. In walked a large golden labrador and snuggled down next to me. I will never forget her kindness and I always stop to thank her every Diwali for those soft brown eyes full of empathy. I remember her waiting till my meltdown was over, to lick the tears off my face.

"Maggi, thank you till eternity and more."

This may have started sounding teary and soft but, life is all about blood, sweat and tears.

Of blood, I remember the first time I had periods as a preteen and the misery of believing I had some life-threatening disease and dying.

Dear life! I will never forget the gentle touch of my father who found the blood-smeared garments and me and told me that I was not dying. I will never forget the relief when ma joined him and tried to bring objectivity to the entire episode.

I will also never forget that for a few years from that day, I would pray each month that it stops forever so I could go back to my normal life.

Today, I pray for the exact opposite and laugh at myself.

Lastly dear zindagi, the day I meditated on the love I have received in my lifetime. I focused on all the episodes involving strangers, friends, family and acquaintances. Dear zindagi, I cannot tell you how I cried just within the fist one minute because I was so overwhelmed - I was precious. I was so loved.

That is when I knew that my life is a lovely technicolour dream to be enjoyed till the last breath.

Thank you dear zindagi!

Love you,

Shoma

“I am writing a letter to life for the #DearZindagi activity at BlogAdda”.