Practice Self Love to Slay Moodswings

In the last few years I have had to stand face-to-face with sadness and depression a few times more than I would want to. While it turned out not too alarming but, it can. I have lost a few friends to it already.

I think the trick lies in understanding your feelings and being in touch with yourself. The minute you start feeling the downward gravitational pull, just hit the panic button.

Meditation has helped over the years with hightened awareness but, it also makes me vulnerable at times because it has pulled a whole lot of walls down from around me in a world that wears armor at all times.

Depression 

Depression is the gnawing in your soul that makes the skin under your hands and feet crawl even when you sleep. That kind of sums it up for me. Depression is nobody's friend. I can vouch for that because I have lost more than a few happy friends to it.

Art 

Every time I feel sad, I turn to creativity even if it has to be by force. For me art and words are the two tools that bring stability in chaos. It may not be true for all. But, throwing yourself into serious work or even cleaning the house just makes it worse for me.

Food

I love to cook when I am alone but, when I feel sad, I just think of eating. Pushing myself to cook works because eating the end result is always an uplifting experience.

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

Reading

May or may not work always. I try choosing reading material that promises happy ending or a solved mystery.

Films

Movies also fall in the same genre as books. They sometimes work too well and push me into a creative mode but, at others, they push me into darkness and mistrust.

Sleeping

It works like a dream but, in the long run, it is a downer. Avoid sleeping. Instead binge watch a sitcom or all the seasons of Sex and the City (if you can lay your hands on it).

Exercising

In my case, aimless walking works but, exercising behind closed doors makes me lazy afterwards. I love to think I am moody but, I know now that it is not true. I tire easily in structured environment and it is highly probable that the lethargy I feel is more mental than physical. So, choose your exercise regime with care.

Stay Healthy to Stay Happy this Winter

Planning

That works amazingly well for me. I plan itineraries and make up speeches I am going to give when I am famous. It immediately changes my mindset, lifts my mood.

Social Media

Is lethal unless it is a space / platform like Pinterest that allows creation of boards full of things you would like to do one day. I would put it under planning. Under any circumstances stay away from WhatsApp and Twitter - they are toxic mostly.

Family

It works like magic. Sleeping next to your mother at night, no matter how old you are are a sure way to feel happy but, it could backfire as well. Remember parents love to make things "right" for you and seeing you unhappy can pull them down as well.

Beat Stress without Breaking Sweat

Hobbies

That's another lifesaver but, I have to push myself to get things going. Journal writing helps immensely because it allows venting as well as planning. 

The idea behind writing this digital post is selfish. These posts act as reminders every time I feel the force of gravity on my mood. I have gone back to writing physical journals. I use pens, colors and imagination on diaries that I can read later and feel proud of. 

Yes! Self love is absolutely important and we must keep patting our backs at all times. It's the surefire secret to a lifelong high.

Anatomy of Depression

(Images: Pexel.com)

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

Change is perhaps the only constant in life and therefore, must be embraced with affection. It may not be a great thing always though and needs to be identified and dealt with as soon as you realize it is not doing you good.

Look at migratory birds that fly thousands of miles to avoid Arctic winters. Fly away from toxic changes as soon as you are able to identify them.

I believe that just like the birds we are all equipped to avoid toxic changes in our lives that hurt our well being. I am not talking about toxic people. Those you need to get rid of first before you press the reset button. These are the people who may have pushed you into the darkness in the first place. Don't worry about losing them. The world is full of amazing people waiting to meet the best you. 

It's difficult to make life-altering changes like getting rid of anger and depression. I can say this because, I have fought both with all my might. The former more than the latter.

Anger is like an all-consuming, red-hot and live piece of coal in that you are holding in your hands. The more you flail your hands, the more it burns and hurts you. Because, oxygen - duh!

Anger makes us lose our wisdom, go crazy for long periods of time when all you see is red. It's toxic. It gives you among other things, health issues. I get blinding headaches whenever I am angry. I hate being angry because, that is not my base nature. I am a happy-go-lucky kinda person (or would like to believe so because, believing is the first step into being) who gets on in life because I don't take things too personally. It's a very womanly trait. In normal life we call it, adjustment - all women are taught to adjust because they are expected to.

But, despite my mother's constant effort to make me a loving and adjusting kind of person, I was plagued by anger for a long time - for good reason too.

It took me a project that I worked on with a group of Buddhist practitioners to realize how anger had turned into my base nature because of circumstances. Thankfully with that realization, I could make a strong decision and get rid of it. It was pretty much easy once I had accepted that anger had taken over my personality.

Similarly, depression. I realized I was unable to do the most basic of things without feeling martyred. I would feel sad and everything, even the smallest of tasks seemed impossible to achieve. I told this to a dear friend during a phone conversation where she asked me why I had stopped meeting people. She was astute enough to point me to the right direction. From there on, it was my job to pull myself out of the hole I was sinking into. Not that others had not pointed it out before but, I had never accepted it until it came from her because, she was battling the demon with medicines and therapy because, it had gone too far already.

Change is difficult. Mood changes even more so. Strangely enough when you are plagued by moods, you end up doing some pretty impressive stuff too. I know because I do. Then, you start believing, "Wow! This is so cool. I think, I like it this way."

That is a bad decision to take because, the more you to stick to it the more difficult it gets to rid it off your system.

The first thing to do however, is acceptance. I think (and I am not a doctor) that acceptance of a problem is the first step towards righting it. Unless you accept that there is a problem, you can never work towards a solution.

Here's my list of getting over mood changes with the hope that someone out there reading this post is able to change the direction of their life like I was not once but, many times:

1) Accept the problem

2) Think of the root cause

3) Look inside yourself to find the solution

4) Be the change you want to see - imagine and achieve

5) Become aware of the catalysts and look them in the eye - don't be afraid of them

6) Make lifestyle and routine changes

7) Talk about it with trusted people

8) Make lists (if needed) and follow your own advice

9) If it is impossible to change the root cause, then stop worrying about it and start planning your life away from it

10) Exercise and keep yourself occupied - Read, write, dance, play with kids, watch happy movies, pursue hobbies - whatever it takes

11) Help others in need - no biggies needed, help an old lady cross the road, a child learn a poem. Anything that gives you instant warmth

12) Be thankful and grateful for all that you have

13) Tell people who are important in your life how much they matter

14) Plan your future - nothing long term but, you can easily have short term goals which when you achieve will give you immense pleasure

15) Do the things that used to make you happy as a kid - lie on a sheet of cloth and count stars or watch clouds, play catch with the kids, drink milkshakes or read comics - whatever picked you up when you were little and easily pleased

16) Laugh a lot, giggle and smile at even the silliest of jokes instead of rolling your eyes

17) Spend time with your family and be constructive at home - volunteer to buy groceries, cook or clean up the cupboards

18) Keep a diary - at least in the beginning

19) Read the diary to see how far you have come

20) Finally and this is my DIY pick-me-up formula when things go on recession mode - eat things you love and photograph the moments for happy memories to fall back on when things look bleak

I know that it may not be a great list from a medical point-of-view but, I never took medical advice. I just went for it with the mindset of a conqueror and developed this template for myself.

Today, when winter is finally turning into Spring - literally, I decided to share my list with others who are finding it difficult to adapt to change.

Have a rocking February!

I Hold my Key to Happiness

There are days when everything feels dull. Even rain fails to raise your spirit and mile long traffic jams make resistance futile even for the most resilient among us.

By afternoon you are angst-ridden, irritated and wondering, why did you even get out of the bed in the morning? 

Often, such questions defy answers - especially if it is a Monday like today! 

So, I try going existential and ask myself questions like, 'Can a whole life be lived in a single Monday? Or Can one evening of your life be the most important and most exciting of your life?

The answer I feel is, yes.

These moments that pass us by at breakneck speed are ours to either fill with happiness and laughter so that they become framed in our memories as happy events.

Why else would I hold on to a memory from age three, where my ma after dressing me in a yellow T shirt with a couple of dancing foxes embossed on it and dousing me in baby talc, gives me a hug calling me "shonamoni"?

Or when at age 5 I had to clean up all the toys after my toddling sister who declared very grandly, "I know how to play, but not how to clean up." I was not angry. Mildly irritated but, immensely tickled by her attitude. She had just learnt to speak.

   

I keep getting these flashes from far away summer vacations when we had stolen sweets from my grandmom's larder and hidden them in the coal cellar. We were of course caught red handed eating the exposed sweets and told, 'now you have eaten what all the cockroaches and bacteria has already tasted..." We thought, we were going to die!

I also remember how someone from Delhi upon looking at the Juhu sea for the first time from the double Decker bus in Bombay exclaimed, "Look. I never knew there was a desert in Bombay!"

I had looked around wondering, "did anyone else in here hear what was just said?"

Life is nothing but memories. I firmly believe that they should be happy rather than sad.

I have always taken a mental broom and cleaned out bad memories from my mind. It is easy, just clean up and throw inside a mental strong box and lock it up.

Keep the key safe. Ensure that only you should be able to open it and  no one else.

And coming back to Mondays, I have a similar strong box of happy moments where I have lived an entire short life. I just open the box and let it rain happy memories when stuck in a jam, facing a hard-to-please client or almost dozing off in a boring meeting or something much worse. Happy memories and happy times make you feel life's easy.

Also, when you look up in a bad situation and smile at another miserable soul, you make that person happy as well.

I try making happy memories in even the worst of times. I keep one eye out for that silver lining that most of us miss because we are busy being miserable. You never know when you'll need to open this treasure chest and cheer yourself up because nothing seems to be going your way at all. So, keep this key handy.

It is easy to do. Just smile and look around and everything will change around you. You are free to look away from the reasons that are causing you heartburn, ignore them even. After all, it is your life. You need to call the shots not anyone else.

Of Women and Self Worth

"Caller: I don't think I should have taken this decision...

Me: Hmmmm... Babes I hate all my decisions at some point or the other but still back them up because they are mine...

Caller: Ye...ah... exactly! You see, think I should not have done this...and now... I wish I could turn back time... "

Usually when a phone call opens like this, I am almost always scared. Not because I believe in the worst, the caller is already doing that, but, because it never fails to worry me that people, even those who are highly intelligent and accomplished, have these dark moments when they totally forget their self-worth.

This is a trait that I have seen mainly among women. Men are mostly like, "It's OK. I screwed up, but, I have this other back-up plan that rocks...." And though I know that there is no Plan B but, I also know that he'll find a way out, as will the women...

But women, the more articulate gender and also the deep (end) thinkers (read worriers), they sell themselves real short.

When I get a call like the above from a woman, I know what to do. It is like working on a template. I just take some time out to remind them how intelligent and accomplished they already are and how I'd put all my money (if I had any) on them. Cliched though it may sound, it is always absolutely true. If it is otherwise, I don't mince words either.

The discussion works mostly because they are already intelligent and accomplished, like I said earlier. They usually go back, kick a few asses and make way for victory. So, I end up getting a lot of credit at the victory celebration. However, this normally embarrasses me to no end because I have done nothing much, not even given a pep talk, since whatever I had said was the truth.

Late last night, after dealing with two such back-to-back calls, I realized how lacking in self worth I myself was!
The heartfelt "thank yous" of both the girls left me deeply embarrassed even when one of them confessed that she had cried on a previous call while discussing the same problem and that, after speaking with me she was already laughing and raring to go. And I know that she'd win too. She just needed reminding how good she is...

But, I mumbled something incoherent at her heartfelt thank you and disconnected over a gruff "goodnight". 

Then, over a cup of late night tea, it suddenly occurred to me that I had actually helped someone feel good and instead of feeling embarrassed should feel a sense of accomplishment. I should rejoice that I am able to help again and again by listening, by making the right noises or even by suggesting the appropriate song list in cases of break-ups or helping with expletives on being handed the pink slip...

It was such a huge discovery that I had to write it down so I don't forget to mention a gracious, "you're welcome or it was a pleasure..." to the next heartfelt thank you.

Despite all my shortcomings and failures, despite my limited understanding of the human psyche and my much-hated whiplash tongue. Despite all the small and big mistakes that make me, I am able to help others by making them believe in them. And I'd say it's a huge accomplishment and I should feel great, not embarrassed. Who am I kidding? Shit! I have self esteem issues too... Ouch!!! 

Make way for the Karma Cowboy!

These are the best of times and the worst of times.

Best and worst, Hell and Heaven, good and bad - everything is a figment of imagination and a direct outcome of choices we make. Over many mistakes and some good decisions, I have lived a life that urges  me to look forward. Perhaps not so much towards the next 10 years but, certainly towards tomorrow.

Each day inspires me to carry on to the next. Each morning when the Sun peeks out from behind the buildings, across the cricket field outside my balcony window, I see a promise being made, a deal struck. It is almost magical in the fact that the same Sun appears everyday from the same corner of the sky without fail and will continue doing so even when I'm long dead and forgotten.

Many years ago when I was still a youngster making the rounds of newspaper offices, looking for a job, my professor had set up a meeting with a friend in one of the leading Delhi papers. He was a sports reporter with the daily and a perfect gentleman who gave me a bit of an advice before sending me to meet the media-favorite editor of the paper. He had said, "Try to be a winner at your work. Do it honestly. Because, when you are dead and gone, no one will remember you because you were good looking or smartly dressed. They'll remember you for the legacy that you have left behind."

Though I did not get the job nor did I ever meet the gentleman again, I still remember what he had told me all those years ago. It was the most sensible bit of advice anyone can give a teenager/barely legal fresher starting out in life.

I repeat it quite often to myself and each time I go back to that day and then, retrace my steps back to the present day, I see a life full of fulfilled and broken promises, losses and victories. Each day I try and remember how many times I had inspired others and how many times I had failed to make a mark.

It is not an easy task to get through life but, it is not very difficult either. One can always sit back and let situations take over or take the difficult way and carve a road out of the maze.

I know that I use a very fragile nail filer to carve my way out because I am afraid of using a machete. I am always worried that I'd hurt someone if I hack my way through. Whether my compassion is a good strategy or a bad one, I don't know but, I renew my pledge each day that I shall not stop making that way. And I struggle over it. Some snigger at my naive attempts and others urge me on. I have now learnt to accept both and continue steadily, with my efforts (however feeble), at making my life 'memorable'.

In life we need to carve our paths on our own. We may be stuck in our Karmic cycle like the Earth, that makes its way though the same elliptical orbit everyday. Its efforts never gets noticed because all we see is the Sun. It rises from the East and sets in the West and starts our day with a promise of a fresh start and ends it with another that says, "I'll be back."

But, a really optimistic person will see that even Karma can be lassoed and harnessed to reap great rewards. For example, Earth is the only planet we know that has life. And it is all because it is in the right place and on the right elliptical path - Karma be damned.

Think about it. Is the Earth more unique or the Sun, that was born only to burn?