In which I Pardon the Universe and Seek Forgiveness

Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

I am really appalled at your insensitivity. I fail to understand why you have to pick up only the negative strands and stupid things said in utter innocence in the heat of the moment and manifest them. It is mighty daft of you if you ask me and has played havoc with my life.

You seem to be like the matron in this super-strict boarding school that listens through the keyhole and hears only the absolute worst and then, takes action. It's totally unfair.

Often I say a whole lot of things just for effect - never meaning it to actually happen but, you seem to latch on to just those. Out of these also you seem to pick up only the absolute worst of the lot and go about making it a reality. Come on!

What about the zillion times I wanted great things for myself directly? Wait. You were not listening. You were busy listening through other poor victims' closed doors. Why would you listen to something that's not dramatic like, problems, miseries and heartbreaks. 

Like when I asked for fame and riches you were totally deaf to my entreaties but, the moment I said - for effect, "I need tragedy in my life to hone my craft," you were right there jumping in to fulfill my most gigantically stupid utterance till date. 

Sometimes you make me feel like we'd be better off without you making the wishes of the most vicious of villains through history come true while overlooking the collective conscience of a million victims. How do they get to you when the hordes of innocents like me go through life partially - read selectively or whimsically - unheard?

Listen, I believe sincerely that you are super-busy and therefore multi-task. But, you must understand that Shakespeare must not win. You know, the Brit guy they call the Bard of Avon. He said in his play written during Elizabeth's era (1500s!), about a delusional father who suffers for his own ego, 

"As flies to wanton boys, are we to the Gods,
They kill us for their sport."

I sincerely hope that you are not trying to make that quote by old man Shakespeare come true. I am sure it was not a wish he wanted inflicted upon mankind.

Listen, I know you are overworked with this surge in population and taking care of innocent babies in the war zone that's the world today. But, I'd really appreciate it if you read this and not just listen through the keyhole when I am crying out that, humans need to be exterminated from the face of the Earth because they are killing the planet. Believe me, it's just a rant. What I really mean is that they should mend their ways and try save the environment.

I need you to read this post because I am going to do something really nice for you here - I am going to forgive you for all the sins you have committed against me.

Dear Universe, I understand your limitations in understanding anything indirect and covert. I also understand that you must be flooded with serious prayers everyday and the numbers are only rising. I also get it that with rising wars, terrorism, crime and wanton fly killing activities that humans are indulging in with more and more frequency as their numbers increase exponentially, you are becoming stressed and hard pressed to pay attention to  peaceniks like me who really don't matter because, "hey! I am not trying to poison the water tank and wipe out a whole town any day in like, ever."

So, I want to do something nice for you today. I want you to remember this when you do the Shakespeare thing on me next. I want you to feel good about all that you do and have done for me keeping my "wishes" in mind. I want to thank you for them. I want to thank you for family and friends and neighbors who care and love. I want to thank you for all the blessings that you have conferred on me like, good health, sharp mind, compassionate heart. I want to thank you for unconditional love that I get and for the roof over my head and food on my plate. I thank you for the education I received and continue to receive till date.

With this, I want to absolve you of all your past misdeeds and say, "I forgive you."

There. I have said it. I pardon you for all the hurt that has come to me because of your poor listening skills. I understand that it was also due to my poor communication skills. 

The fault in my stars is actually a two-way street and I am also not without a blemish. I promise to change my ways and void out all stupid and irrational utterances as soon as they leave my mouth. I will try and be more of a Zen-ist than a Satirist. More direct than dramatic. I hope you will also stop listening selectively once I do that.

I promise to think before I speak and treat myself with more respect and behave with more caution when it comes to you. I also promise to work hard on my communication skills to be able to improve my relationship with you.

Here, I want to let go of my anger towards you - whatever little there is of it and give us a fresh start. I know that you do not do emotions so, I am sure you are neither angry nor upset with my ranting which should be good for our future partnership. I plan on putting all the mistakes we made together behind us when I publish this blog piece.

I also most humbly would like to apologize for my own limited understanding of you and my frequent bursts of anger / frustrations at you for getting it all wrong. In so many ways the fault also lies at my own doorsteps. It's my own communication skills that make it so difficult for us to understand each other. I promise to work on that in the future for a more profitable partnership going forward.

Dear Universe, I am sorry and with this I want to turn over a new leaf in our partnership and start afresh. Please accept my humble apology and my absolve-sion of you for all the past miseries you have unknowingly inflicted upon me. 

From this day forward, let us live as best friends who communicate well and react to each other favorably.

Thank you for everything good in my life and lots of love to you.

Yours truely,
Shoma