As the year flies by at breakneck speed, I try holding on to incidents and keep my feet firmly planted. It is difficult but, not entirely impossible.
However, the force of the daily deluge pushes me down until I am unable to look around or even open my eyes.
But, my heart feels like that of a warrior in the midst of a great war. My mind is alert and open to imagination. Sometimes I see myself with a bloody two-edged sword in hand, running after a bleeding enemy. At others, I see myself sitting under a great tree with only birds singing in my ears while I count my breath.
The more the pressure, the more I feel cut-off and drifting away from it all towards an oasis of peace somewhere inside me.
Someone asked me recently, "why don't you get angry or retaliate?"
My answer was, "I do not feel angry."
Somehow, I don't feel immediate anger any more. I feel as if all those trying to pressurize me are just fighting a mock battle. I am not even there. I am busy at my desk, doing my job. Happy in my oasis and unperturbed.
Somehow, I feel that a process that I had started three years back of self-realization is turning full circle.
Or maybe, I'm finally coming out of the teenage years and growing up.