Practice Self Love to Slay Moodswings

In the last few years I have had to stand face-to-face with sadness and depression a few times more than I would want to. While it turned out not too alarming but, it can. I have lost a few friends to it already.

I think the trick lies in understanding your feelings and being in touch with yourself. The minute you start feeling the downward gravitational pull, just hit the panic button.

Meditation has helped over the years with hightened awareness but, it also makes me vulnerable at times because it has pulled a whole lot of walls down from around me in a world that wears armor at all times.

Depression 

Depression is the gnawing in your soul that makes the skin under your hands and feet crawl even when you sleep. That kind of sums it up for me. Depression is nobody's friend. I can vouch for that because I have lost more than a few happy friends to it.

Art 

Every time I feel sad, I turn to creativity even if it has to be by force. For me art and words are the two tools that bring stability in chaos. It may not be true for all. But, throwing yourself into serious work or even cleaning the house just makes it worse for me.

Food

I love to cook when I am alone but, when I feel sad, I just think of eating. Pushing myself to cook works because eating the end result is always an uplifting experience.

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

Reading

May or may not work always. I try choosing reading material that promises happy ending or a solved mystery.

Films

Movies also fall in the same genre as books. They sometimes work too well and push me into a creative mode but, at others, they push me into darkness and mistrust.

Sleeping

It works like a dream but, in the long run, it is a downer. Avoid sleeping. Instead binge watch a sitcom or all the seasons of Sex and the City (if you can lay your hands on it).

Exercising

In my case, aimless walking works but, exercising behind closed doors makes me lazy afterwards. I love to think I am moody but, I know now that it is not true. I tire easily in structured environment and it is highly probable that the lethargy I feel is more mental than physical. So, choose your exercise regime with care.

Stay Healthy to Stay Happy this Winter

Planning

That works amazingly well for me. I plan itineraries and make up speeches I am going to give when I am famous. It immediately changes my mindset, lifts my mood.

Social Media

Is lethal unless it is a space / platform like Pinterest that allows creation of boards full of things you would like to do one day. I would put it under planning. Under any circumstances stay away from WhatsApp and Twitter - they are toxic mostly.

Family

It works like magic. Sleeping next to your mother at night, no matter how old you are are a sure way to feel happy but, it could backfire as well. Remember parents love to make things "right" for you and seeing you unhappy can pull them down as well.

Beat Stress without Breaking Sweat

Hobbies

That's another lifesaver but, I have to push myself to get things going. Journal writing helps immensely because it allows venting as well as planning. 

The idea behind writing this digital post is selfish. These posts act as reminders every time I feel the force of gravity on my mood. I have gone back to writing physical journals. I use pens, colors and imagination on diaries that I can read later and feel proud of. 

Yes! Self love is absolutely important and we must keep patting our backs at all times. It's the surefire secret to a lifelong high.

Anatomy of Depression

(Images: Pexel.com)

Anatomy of Depression

Depression, as it becomes more and more acceptable in the modern world, we talk about it more openly and with 'No Reservations'. As I sit typing and watching an episode of CNN's, 'Parts Unknown' featuring Anthony Bourdain and his girlfriend, Asia Argento and her family, filmed in Rome where she lives, I wonder what went wrong? Didn't the man who was on a mission to visit every corner of the world so friendless that he couldn't even make a call in a ditch attempt to save himself?

Bourdain, who must have pulled a whole lot of people out of their stupor - if not depression - and pushed them out of their safe and luxurious couches to go and explore the world, is dead. He hung himself with the belt of a hotel bathrobe in the city of love, Paris - so much irony! He was alone in a hotel room with every luxury at his disposal including the weapon of his own destruction and phones that could have saved him.

We may never know what went wrong ever. The man who started walking the earth at age 42, eating through unknown palates and filming humans and their food across the world, unmasking civilizations - known and unknown - is no more. It's disorienting as well as scary. The man who could meld into any milieu couldn't live with himself.

Read my article here to know more about the incident and the person,

Traveler, chef Anthony Bourdain commits suicide, Obama, Trump mourn untimely death

All the usual theories fall flat on the face of such incidents. Perhaps it is time to start discussing mental health threadbare instead of making jokes and memes about it. It is time to switch on the compassion button, a time to cultivate patience that allows us to listen to others and to speak about our own shortcomings - real or imagery - without fear of being judged.

Perhaps in the long run, it may or may not save your life because the ultimate truth is death but, while we are here on earth, it will let us live in peace knowing that there is someone to talk to, feel safe and loved. When betrayal is more common than friendship, we need to collectively challenge our social makeup and push for a change. Perhaps this is the time. Perhaps we have missed the deadline long back but, it is always good to start somewhere. Better late than never.

Growing up, I was exposed to a whole bunch of negatives that I am sure most kids face. I faced, school bullies who wanted to push and keep me in a corner, biased teachers who only found mistakes and never appreciated any of my efforts, sexual predators, back-stabbing friends and elders and peers who would always try and put me down.

College was oxygen and I still am thankful for landing among great academics who were also compassionate humans, never worried about sharing knowledge of books as well as life. If not for that, I would have never become as resolute as I a today. It also helped greatly that I had a very loving set of parents who were always supportive, involved and loving.

Life is tough and no one teaches you how to deal with it. And I don't blame anyone for that because the permutations and combinations of the people we encounter in our lives are unique and no one knows what we are going to encounter.

But, as I grew up and met the worse periods of my life, I learnt to control my mind and keep it off darkness through hit and trial as do most people.

Though not many would like to talk about depression and any other 'weaknesses' and though I have never taken help from a psychiatric, I want to talk about it. I have practiced listening and supporting friends and family for a long time and have now started taking my own problems outside of the home as my parents grow older and more fragile. Some of the things that I have learnt while taking control of my life are very basic.

Actually, all it takes is recognizing your weakness, accepting it as a problem and talking about it. For example, I have always been a slacker in the mornings - I have also always glorified it, calling myself a wise owl - but, now as a consultant working from home I realized it was a bad thing. I spoke about it with a friend-cum-client who starts her day really early, her simple answer was, "you are not getting enough sleep."

I thought about it and realized that she had hit the nail hard on the head. I accepted the fact that I stay up late just enjoying the silence of the night - have always done so - but, now I needed an early start so that I could wrap up my day fast.

Once I accepted it, I have started staying away from the laptop in the night, switching off the phone Internet and sound and going off to sleep often with my parents because, sleeping with the people I love the most makes me feel comfortable. Thus, I am trying to change my sleep cycle for the first time in life. I sleep early and wake up fresh. You can do this with whoever you feel closest to because, it is really difficult to change a childhood habit like sleep cycle and needs strong resolution to achieve.

Life is like the celestial dance of Kali, the Hindu goddess. When we are frenzied by our own zeal, we forget to really understand our actions till the time, Shiva, our conscience wakes us up from our stupor. The harm is already done but, there is still time. There is always time.

Most of our life is actually a reflection of how we have built it. Here are some of the good practices that have helped keep me out of reach of darkness. Hope it helps whoever is fighting darkness or anyone who is fighting it around them:

Speak

Each time we meet with failures - real or fictitious - we need to sit back, take a deep breath and speak about the pain with someone. Talking makes it easier to handle. Don't hit the bottle, meet a friend or call up and ask them to come over. Most will agree to listen. Some might even share some good advice but, that may fall flat at that moment but, their kindness will never go unnoticed by your ravaged heart.

Also, the more you speak about your distress, the easier it will be to handle them. Try and avoid the ones who are fighting problems of their own or those who have a tendency to rat on you or make fun of you. You always know who they are. You don't need any more betrayals at this point.

Cry

"Tears are not weakness". Thankfully one of my wise professors had told me this when I was a freshman. In between a lecture on the ancient Greek society and their culture, he had said that it is good to cry. Crying is good for letting go. I can't thank him enough for that advice.

Crying is a great way to let it out. But, don't make it a habit. If you are crying too much, seek help please. It is a sign - not of weakness but, of depression. Tears are also a sign that indicate depression. If everything makes you cry, then seek help from a metal health expert immediately.

Laugh

I was always a happy child. Even as a youngster I would always smile and laugh which was actively supported by my parents - especially my father. As I joined the adult world, some people labelled me an "airhead" but, somehow that never stopped me from laughing. I am glad that I can laugh and smile. It helps me overcome pressure. Over the years as pressure built up in relationships, work or when my bank balance got depleted, thanks to other people dipping into it to sustain their expensive habits, I almost inevitably would laugh it off after a while.

Sometimes it took me longer to laugh a situation off but, that one natural instinct has been a life savior. Please laugh if you don't often. Don't listen to people who tell you that you are an airhead or silly old woman/ man to do so. Just ignore such people. You NEED endorphins.

Listen

As you start practicing compassion,  you will automatically start listening to people. The more you practice listening, the more patient you will become and you will find the answers to your problems in other peoples'. It is a wrong assumption that you pick up negativity when you listen to negative stories. Instead, when you listen to someone else's problems, you start realizing that you are not just the only one in the crowd.

It paints for you, a bigger picture. Like a wise friend once said, "when you stare at the tree constantly, you miss the forest." It takes a while to achieve that patience to just listen and offer nothing but, your ears. But, once you have practiced it, you are one of the rare breed that will always receive love and blessings. Sympathy will lead to empathy and it will enrich your life in more ways than you can imagine. The Dalai Lama had once said, "The only religion I practice is compassion."

Meditate

It is easier said than done. Not everyone buys into meditation as we are not ready to put our problems on hold for even a few minutes. Meditation is not a complex state of being nor is it an unattainable goal / state of being. If you understand that your smartphone needs daily rebooting to free-up space in its RAM thanks to the multiple apps running simultaneously in it you will catch on to why your mind and body needs meditation. Meditation helps you slow down your breath for a few minutes and regroup your body and reclaim your mind.

It does take a little time to reach the "no thoughts zone" but, it comes with practice and no, you don't really need to sit in Yogic mudra to do it. You can do it sitting comfortably in a silent space anywhere or while listening to soothing music in your drawing room or in a joggers' park. Regular practice will help your mind close down and restart once you open your eyes. It is refreshing like nothing else.

Give up Anger

What we seek, we receive. If we are on a panic mode all the time, we will always be scared and angry. Our worries get transferred on whoever comes in contact with us. Soon, people start avoiding us because of our forever-irritated mood or because we are always on a short fuse. Anger turns you mean and negative. Whatever you say or do under the influence of anger is something you will regret when you wake up. Anger becomes a constant because of your frustrations and fears from outward situations. As the Buddha wisely said, "holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."

Anger is not easy to handle because, most of the times we justify our anger. The day you realize that you have anger-management issues, acknowledge it and start looking for reasons why and ways you can heal yourself. Give it a shot and see the change in the quality of your life. If you are constantly pressurized, always angry, the chances are that you will hit the darkness button soon.

There are other small ways you can also add to your daily routine to avoid depression. I had written about them earlier. You can read it here,

Stay Healthy to Stay Happy this Winter

And here,

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

And,

Beat Stress without Breaking Sweat

Have a very happy and adventurous life so you can go without regret when you leave this world. Be a little selfish and put, "Me First" because, compassion can only work if you are first of all compassionate towards yourself.

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

Change is perhaps the only constant in life and therefore, must be embraced with affection. It may not be a great thing always though and needs to be identified and dealt with as soon as you realize it is not doing you good.

Look at migratory birds that fly thousands of miles to avoid Arctic winters. Fly away from toxic changes as soon as you are able to identify them.

I believe that just like the birds we are all equipped to avoid toxic changes in our lives that hurt our well being. I am not talking about toxic people. Those you need to get rid of first before you press the reset button. These are the people who may have pushed you into the darkness in the first place. Don't worry about losing them. The world is full of amazing people waiting to meet the best you. 

It's difficult to make life-altering changes like getting rid of anger and depression. I can say this because, I have fought both with all my might. The former more than the latter.

Anger is like an all-consuming, red-hot and live piece of coal in that you are holding in your hands. The more you flail your hands, the more it burns and hurts you. Because, oxygen - duh!

Anger makes us lose our wisdom, go crazy for long periods of time when all you see is red. It's toxic. It gives you among other things, health issues. I get blinding headaches whenever I am angry. I hate being angry because, that is not my base nature. I am a happy-go-lucky kinda person (or would like to believe so because, believing is the first step into being) who gets on in life because I don't take things too personally. It's a very womanly trait. In normal life we call it, adjustment - all women are taught to adjust because they are expected to.

But, despite my mother's constant effort to make me a loving and adjusting kind of person, I was plagued by anger for a long time - for good reason too.

It took me a project that I worked on with a group of Buddhist practitioners to realize how anger had turned into my base nature because of circumstances. Thankfully with that realization, I could make a strong decision and get rid of it. It was pretty much easy once I had accepted that anger had taken over my personality.

Similarly, depression. I realized I was unable to do the most basic of things without feeling martyred. I would feel sad and everything, even the smallest of tasks seemed impossible to achieve. I told this to a dear friend during a phone conversation where she asked me why I had stopped meeting people. She was astute enough to point me to the right direction. From there on, it was my job to pull myself out of the hole I was sinking into. Not that others had not pointed it out before but, I had never accepted it until it came from her because, she was battling the demon with medicines and therapy because, it had gone too far already.

Change is difficult. Mood changes even more so. Strangely enough when you are plagued by moods, you end up doing some pretty impressive stuff too. I know because I do. Then, you start believing, "Wow! This is so cool. I think, I like it this way."

That is a bad decision to take because, the more you to stick to it the more difficult it gets to rid it off your system.

The first thing to do however, is acceptance. I think (and I am not a doctor) that acceptance of a problem is the first step towards righting it. Unless you accept that there is a problem, you can never work towards a solution.

Here's my list of getting over mood changes with the hope that someone out there reading this post is able to change the direction of their life like I was not once but, many times:

1) Accept the problem

2) Think of the root cause

3) Look inside yourself to find the solution

4) Be the change you want to see - imagine and achieve

5) Become aware of the catalysts and look them in the eye - don't be afraid of them

6) Make lifestyle and routine changes

7) Talk about it with trusted people

8) Make lists (if needed) and follow your own advice

9) If it is impossible to change the root cause, then stop worrying about it and start planning your life away from it

10) Exercise and keep yourself occupied - Read, write, dance, play with kids, watch happy movies, pursue hobbies - whatever it takes

11) Help others in need - no biggies needed, help an old lady cross the road, a child learn a poem. Anything that gives you instant warmth

12) Be thankful and grateful for all that you have

13) Tell people who are important in your life how much they matter

14) Plan your future - nothing long term but, you can easily have short term goals which when you achieve will give you immense pleasure

15) Do the things that used to make you happy as a kid - lie on a sheet of cloth and count stars or watch clouds, play catch with the kids, drink milkshakes or read comics - whatever picked you up when you were little and easily pleased

16) Laugh a lot, giggle and smile at even the silliest of jokes instead of rolling your eyes

17) Spend time with your family and be constructive at home - volunteer to buy groceries, cook or clean up the cupboards

18) Keep a diary - at least in the beginning

19) Read the diary to see how far you have come

20) Finally and this is my DIY pick-me-up formula when things go on recession mode - eat things you love and photograph the moments for happy memories to fall back on when things look bleak

I know that it may not be a great list from a medical point-of-view but, I never took medical advice. I just went for it with the mindset of a conqueror and developed this template for myself.

Today, when winter is finally turning into Spring - literally, I decided to share my list with others who are finding it difficult to adapt to change.

Have a rocking February!

Stay Healthy to Stay Happy this Winter

And just like that, winters are upon us! The days are short and nights are long and foggy. You hear stray cats and dogs crying all night out in the streets and the bed when you get into it is as cold as a bucket of ice water.

And though, Christmas makes a big splash followed by New Year celebrations, the fact that December holds a mirror to what's gone by makes things even worse for most people.

The easiest thing seems to be basking in the Sun during the day or sitting in front of the heater / hitting the sack in the evening. Which in turn makes you feel guilty because, you have wasted another day that could have been productive. 

Contrary to urban legend - mostly revered during school and college days - winters are not about hibernation for humans - especially the morning and daytime. Nor are all humans nocturnal beings. 

If anything, winters should propel you into action. The weather is nice after sweating through the heat and wading through buckets of rains it is a welcome change from the heat and dust that ensures that you stay holed up inside or parked yourself near an air conditioner. 

The thing about winter is that it always creeps up on you and like most things that creep up, winter brings with it a whole lot of dissatisfaction when it suddenly jumps on your back.

It took me years to realize that cold and dark weather makes my mood go cold and dark too. It brings with it a feeling of isolation and loneliness. The cozy comforter may not always be the reason why you don't want to get out of bed, depression is a very big reason for wanting to stay put and hide with your favorite pillow. 

It took me almost a week of trying to get up and about but, failing to make it before mid morning to realize all is not well. As I work mostly from home and don't meet 'real' people most of the time, I was virtually sitting ducks for winter to take a pot shot at me.

Once I started feeling irritated with my own habits, I decided to scourge the Internet to check if there was something actually wrong with the pattern I had fallen into - waking up very late, getting too few daylight hours and falling asleep around early morning at 3 or 4 am.

What I found out was kind of scary. I was a prime target for SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. 

Though not as huge a problem in India as it is in places with very less sunlit hours and longer winter, it is not uncommon here either. 

Since I am NOT a psychiatric I shall not try to explain the disorder per say but, that it brings with it mood swings, feeling of lethargy, depression, anxiety and in serious cases, suicidal tendencies.

The next thing that I did was to look for alternatives to break the rhythm. I tried the usual things that one is supposed to do when suffering from depression till I was able to make a dent and break the badly-effected sleep cycle.

If any of you think, you are feeling under the weather too, I would suggest that you try some or all of the things I did to get myself back on the healthy track. These are small things that you can add to your daily routine to make the winter blues melt into the blues.

Walk

I don't jog because of the pollution in Delhi but, I walk. If morning is too cold then, take a walk mid-morning or early evening. It's all good. Avoid going out with a bunch of people and gossip because, it will not help at all. Also, don't take the car out for short trips to the market - walk. Walking clears your head and makes happy hormones flow. In short, walk is a great exercise. Try to take in the nature around you when walking. You could also listen to soothing music as you walk to take your mind off distractions.

Practice Discipline

I had once read that Earnest Hemingway used to wake up in  the first hour to write and no matter how wasted his night was, he would not give up this habit. Though I am no Hemingway, I have tried to discipline my life and though I don't need to go anywhere in the morning, I have tried to set a routine to my life. I now wake up with an alarm clock and work during the first half of the day. It usually frees me up by lunch time. I look forward to the evening for pursuing things that give me happiness like watching a movie or reading a book or going out to meet friends and family. Because I have finished my work first, I don't feel any panic to get back to it till the next morning.

Eat Well

Food is the most important reason why humans have probably come this far. Never keep the revered stomach empty. If you are hungry, you are bound to feel low. So, eat well and eat in short intervals to help your metabolism high. Keep the stomach filled with good food - no processed stuff out of the box please. Winter is the best time of the year to buy fresh produce. Eat fresh salads, fruits and dairy products. Drink a lot of water and tea to keep yourself hydrated. The heater sucks out a whole lot of precious water from your body. Remember to keep a bottle of water handy to keep chugging. 

Avoid Alcohol

Try and keep away from the bottle especially if you are on your own. Alcohol dehydrates your body and makes you crave for more because there's no one to talk to. In the end it brings you down. So, keep off. 

Clean Surroundings

If you live alone like me, then the chances are that you don't feel like cleaning up because, there's no one to see. That is a very bad idea. Keep your home neat and clean. You should always feel happy and welcome in your surroundings. A clean and tastefully done home gives out good vibes and makes you happy. So, clean up fast especially the areas most in use starting with your home office to your bedroom to kitchen and bathroom. 

Smell Great

It goes without saying that you should take regular baths. But, try and keep the area around you smelling nice. You can burn incense, oil or just use a room spray that makes your nose happy. I was recommended camphor by a good friend and have realized that using it on a vaporizer helps not only to perk up the mood but also, fight clogged nose and keep bugs away. It makes me feel energized and happy too.

Pick up a Hobby

Or two. I can never recommend it enough especially if you are an introvert like me. Hobbies keep you happy and can be anything that interest you. Even feeding the strays in your area. It need not be highbrow or expensive. You can just doodle on a notepad and see what comes off and even that will give you a sense of achievement and a high.

Laugh

Do whatever it takes to exercise your facial muscles. You can join the local laughter club, read funny books, subscribe to websites that send jokes in your inbox or watch a sitcom. Whatever it takes, laugh as much as you can. Personally, I interact with little children to crack me up. Their antics are enough to make you laugh for a whole day. After all, laughter, they say, is the best medicine.

Cook

Cook as often as you can instead of opening a can or cutting a carton. Cooking is a fine therapy and the sight and smell of home-cooked food is an instant pick-me-up.

Pamper Yourself 

Don't feel bad to take a day off for relaxation. Go for a spa or use DIY masks at home everyday. The idea is to keep you looking good to create a happy self-image.

Join a Group

If you don't have a great number of friends because you have shifted base, then don't despair. Join a local group of people pursuing the same interests as you. It can be a book reading club, a Yoga group, a group of nature lovers or cleanliness volunteers. The more people you meet the better.

Volunteer 

Giving really makes you feel instantly happy. Join a group of volunteers or go on your own to the local old age home or orphanage to help out. Nothing is too small. Even feeding the birds in your balcony can bring in immense satisfaction. Give it a try.

Meditate 

This is the most difficult thing to do for most so, I kept it for the last. But, meditation, especially when done as a group activity can really change your outlook. Try and get into a meditation group if you can but, if that is not possible, go on YouTube and channel your inner self towards positive energies. It is not too difficult once you have conquered discipline and cleaned up your environment. Try it for keeping the head clean to be able to fight the negativity in you. It is really important to know your own self to make a change in your situation.

The most important trick is to be grateful for whatever you have and feel thankful for the glass half-filled.

Be safe and most of all, be happy. 

Do share your own experiences (if any) in the comments section or, if my hacks helped you fight the freeze any better.