The Lost Song of the Soul

The soul, knotted, frozen,

A leviathan waiting for winter to end.
Wakes up with a start.
Lost and disoriented.
It opens its eyes.
I shudder.
It cries.
The noise shatters my eardrums,
Chokes my breath.
I stop breathing,
Fearing the intrusion.
It thrashes, threatening to break free.
I shudder and clutch my heart.
My hands get drenched in blood.
Warm and gushing.
But, wetness of its tears weights it down.
Turns it cold.
Its transparency drowned in salt and water,
Senses nothing.
Just the numbness of a cryogenic winter.
I push it further down,
My fists covers its face.
Making it unfamiliar.
My limbs climb on its back.
Choking it into submission.
Tired, it slumps into a dark hole.
Cold, hungry, sad.
Its fight muted into submission.
I take a small breath.
Unclench my fists, crack my knuckles.
Hearing familiar sounds.
I lie to myself.
Life moves on.
One baby step at a time.
But, my heart still bleeds.
It knows,
That its only a matter of time.
~ Shoma

Practice Self Love to Slay Moodswings

In the last few years I have had to stand face-to-face with sadness and depression a few times more than I would want to. While it turned out not too alarming but, it can. I have lost a few friends to it already.

I think the trick lies in understanding your feelings and being in touch with yourself. The minute you start feeling the downward gravitational pull, just hit the panic button.

Meditation has helped over the years with hightened awareness but, it also makes me vulnerable at times because it has pulled a whole lot of walls down from around me in a world that wears armor at all times.

Depression 

Depression is the gnawing in your soul that makes the skin under your hands and feet crawl even when you sleep. That kind of sums it up for me. Depression is nobody's friend. I can vouch for that because I have lost more than a few happy friends to it.

Art 

Every time I feel sad, I turn to creativity even if it has to be by force. For me art and words are the two tools that bring stability in chaos. It may not be true for all. But, throwing yourself into serious work or even cleaning the house just makes it worse for me.

Food

I love to cook when I am alone but, when I feel sad, I just think of eating. Pushing myself to cook works because eating the end result is always an uplifting experience.

The DIY Managing Life Changes List

Reading

May or may not work always. I try choosing reading material that promises happy ending or a solved mystery.

Films

Movies also fall in the same genre as books. They sometimes work too well and push me into a creative mode but, at others, they push me into darkness and mistrust.

Sleeping

It works like a dream but, in the long run, it is a downer. Avoid sleeping. Instead binge watch a sitcom or all the seasons of Sex and the City (if you can lay your hands on it).

Exercising

In my case, aimless walking works but, exercising behind closed doors makes me lazy afterwards. I love to think I am moody but, I know now that it is not true. I tire easily in structured environment and it is highly probable that the lethargy I feel is more mental than physical. So, choose your exercise regime with care.

Stay Healthy to Stay Happy this Winter

Planning

That works amazingly well for me. I plan itineraries and make up speeches I am going to give when I am famous. It immediately changes my mindset, lifts my mood.

Social Media

Is lethal unless it is a space / platform like Pinterest that allows creation of boards full of things you would like to do one day. I would put it under planning. Under any circumstances stay away from WhatsApp and Twitter - they are toxic mostly.

Family

It works like magic. Sleeping next to your mother at night, no matter how old you are are a sure way to feel happy but, it could backfire as well. Remember parents love to make things "right" for you and seeing you unhappy can pull them down as well.

Beat Stress without Breaking Sweat

Hobbies

That's another lifesaver but, I have to push myself to get things going. Journal writing helps immensely because it allows venting as well as planning. 

The idea behind writing this digital post is selfish. These posts act as reminders every time I feel the force of gravity on my mood. I have gone back to writing physical journals. I use pens, colors and imagination on diaries that I can read later and feel proud of. 

Yes! Self love is absolutely important and we must keep patting our backs at all times. It's the surefire secret to a lifelong high.

Anatomy of Depression

(Images: Pexel.com)

Seven Ways to Sleep Well

I must have been a vampire in my last lifetime. Yes. I must have been. There is one clear reason why I have often think of that and no it's got nothing to do with my desire to plunge my teeth into your luscious neck and sneak some blood out. No. It is all because I love nighttime and my brain is automatically set at thinking up great thoughts when the rest of the world is busy dreaming.

I know that it's just my grandiose-inspired belief system that wants to think of me as an ageless vampire because, hey, if I was a vampire I would not have to, (a) die and (b) worry about my soul all the time.

But, the crux of the problem is that between the hours of 11 pm and 2 am my brain is at its fertile best and that is when I get a whole lot of thinking done. It's not just me. I several others who have this tendency. We think best post-dinner.

But, all glamour aside, it is a bad habit. Period.

I will not go around glorifying this trait at all because I have realized over the years that the rest of the population does not work like that. School, college and offices work only through the day and most of your family doesn't get your fetish for sitting up like a night owl and burning electricity - a case in example, my father all the years I stayed with my folks.

I have therefore over the years tried several ways to get past this problem. Here are some,

1. Early Dinner

I will start from the bottom and therefore dinner first. Having an early dinner has a whole lot of benefits that have been discussed threadbare across the Internet. I started the practice around a decade back and have realized that it not only keeps me light and attentive but, also makes me fall asleep on time. I think because, by the time 11 pm rolls in, I have been up after dinner for almost 3 or more hours and therefore the mind is probably ready to rest according to its pattern of staying active for 3-4 hours after dinner. There's no scientific proof of it but, it works for me.

2. Put the Phone on Mute

Ever since Facebook and WhatsApp took over my humble phone, it has been ringing all through the day and night because, I have these loads of friends living all over the world. So, they start posting or chatting whenever they wake up - their time. It used to keep me up all night answering them. I have now broken the pattern successfully. Put the phone on mute and face-down when your head hits the pillow for uninterrupted sleep.

3. Thinking Happy Thoughts

One thing that keeps everyone awake through nights is the future. Believe me when I say that I don't worry so much for the present as I do for the future. It's a strange obsession for most living things. What will I have for breakfast tomorrow? What to wear to work in the morning? Should I call the client? Do I take the doctor's appointment tomorrow for my folks? Will it rain? Will I get an A in the exams? The list goes on. While, you cannot do away with worries I have decided to focus on what happened today and to count my blessings. It is hard at times especially after bad days but, becomes easier with practice. Think of all the good things in your life, the people who care for you, the roof over your head, the food in your stomach, books in your personal library, the beautiful prints or paintings on your walls, the chocolate in your fridge, your kids, childhood, generous neighbors... whatever makes you #instahappy. Even if you don't have much to look forward to, you will start feeling lighter and drift off after a while into a dreamless sleep.

4. Set an Alarm and Get Up

The trick is not just in setting the alarm but, in waking up when it rings. I need 8 hours of sleep. Any more including any during the day keeps me up till later at night. So, I count eight hours from the time I go to bad and set the alarm. I wake up within 15 mins before or after the alarm rings. I try avoiding sleeping during the day. That does the trick at night.

5. Walk through the Day

Walk if you don't have the time to exercise otherwise. Walk as much as you can and do physical activities like walking up and down the stairs, doing yoga (even if it is for 20-30 mins in a day). It not only keeps you fit but, also makes you tired enough to fall asleep on time. 

6. Read in Bed

It started when I was in school and used to study late around exams. It ran havoc with my sleep cycle and I could not sleep on time even after the exams got over. That is when one of our teachers suggested "reading the course book you hate the most to fall asleep". She of course meant it as a joke but, I tried that night with Physics and the next with History textbooks. The firsts day, I just took a few minutes to sleep and the second day, I stayed up late into the night. I tried Chemistry the next day and it worked like magic. These days, I am not dependent too much on boredom to put me to sleep but, I do read till I doze off with the phone on my face. Yup! I have succumbed to Kindle. But, reading works. If you are a non-reader, try reading political news on your phone - snoring guaranteed.

7. Wash yourself with Warm Water or take a Shower

This was something I picked up from my father. I always wash my face and feet with warm water before hitting bed. If there is enough time, then I prefer taking a bath before hitting bed. You can only do it if you have your dinner early. If not possible, then washing with warm water works well too.

These were some of my tried and tested ideas for falling asleep. What are yours? Do share with me and I will give it a try.