Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Guilt and the Ghost

"Medium? What medium? What are you talking about?"
"I'm saying that I can speak with spirits of the dead."
"Yes, you do and I'm the Ra, the ancient Egyptian Sun God!"
"Shut up Rajbeer. They can hear you."
"So, will they haunt me for this blasphemy Noor?"
"No, they will not. You are making them sad. Very sad."
"And why is that?"
"Because they are themselves unsure of their status and that is very demoralizing considering the fact that they had been solid and humans as us once..."
"So, imagine you in that situation. Someone who does not believe in spirits, floating around and unable to do anything, touch anything, change anything or even eat anything?"
"Why are you cursing me?"
"I'm not cursing you. Just asking you to be compassionate and listen to one of them who wants to desperately speak with you."
"Please listen to me. Have I ever lied to you?"
"Then, why didn't you tell me before we got married that you could speak with ghosts?"
"I wanted to."
"Then why not?"
"Because my family felt that you will not agree to marry me if you knew I was a medium."
"Damn right they were! What are you? A split personality?"
"No Rajbeer. I'm your wife and have been a good one for the last five years. Have you ever seen me behave like a person with multiple personalities?"
"No. Then what is this new fancy of yours Noor?"
"You have to believe me Rajbeer. I can speak with dead people who are all around us. Have always been."
"OK. So, if I agree to believe will you then come with me for an appointment with the psychiatrist?"
"Rajbeer, I'm not mad please listen to what this person wants you to know."
"What person Noor? Thin air? The space above the fridge? The indent on the sofa?"
"No, your mother Rajbeer."
"I know she's been dead for almost two decades now but, she is unhappy because she could not talk to you before she died. You were in school when her heart stopped pumping while baking cupcakes for you."
"Shut up will you."
"Please Rajbeer."
"I said shut up Noor. Just shut up. I know you are lying."
"Please... She's hurt that you do not believe in her."
"Stop this nonsense Noor!"
"OK. What?"
"She's gone now anyway."
"I said stop!"
"I did too and so did she"
"She did did she?"
"Sorry. I'm not talking about this anymore."
"If this was a joke, then, it was the most cruel ever."
"I said sorry. I'm not going to speak about this ever again."
"Was she really here?"
"Not talking about it any more Rajbeer."
"Will you tell me for once why did you start it if you didn't want to finish it?"
"She... Sorry Rajbeer I'm not talking about it."
"Don't play games with me Noor. I'm warning you."
"Not playing games Rajbeer. You wanted me to stop so, I'm NOT going to discuss this any more."
"Are you really a medium? Why did you hide it all these years? Can you really see my ma?"
"Rajbeer, dinner is ready. Let's go eat."
"I don't want food. I want answers - from you."
"I do not have any answers and the one who had is now gone..."
"So, you did see her?"
"How did she look like?"
"Yes, good. Peaceful."
"What did she want from us?"
"Not from us Rajbeer. She wanted to speak to you."
"Do you think she loved me?"
"Of course she did. She was your mother."
"You don't understand Noor. I was a very bad boy. She probably died of the shock I gave her."
"What do you mean?"
"I was there Noor."
"Where Rajbeer."
"In the house. When she died."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I was the reason she died. I and I scared her to death."
"What did you do?"
"It was a day before Sports Day and I had come home early. I found a shed snakeskin on my way and picked it up. When I came home I did not knock the front door. I crept to the back of the house and peeped in from the kitchen window. Ma was there and she was not alone..."
"What happened after that Rajbeer?"
 "I was angry. Very angry."
"Why Rajbeer?"
"She was sitting on his lap and they were stuck to each other and moaning..."
"Oh Rajbeer!"
"I was very angry. Why was my ma doing this? I hated them both. I wanted to shout at them and kick them off the chair."
"What happened then?"
"I was so angry that I threw the snake skin at them through the wndow."
"Did it scare her to death?"
"She was already winded up and when the snake skin fell between them so suddenly, she screamed and screamed and then her face turned red and then purple. He stood up with her in his arms and both of them toppled over and fell on the floor."
"What happened then Rajbeer?"
"He fell on her. She had stopped shouting by now and was breathing hard. Very hard."
"I was scared. I ran to the front of the house and rang the door bell. I remember ringing it many times before he came to open the door and he cried when he saw me. He took me by my hands and led me into the kitchen and I saw her sprawled out on the floor. She was already dead the doctors told us later that she died pretty fast because the attack was massive and there was little anyone could do about it."
"Who was the guy with her in the kitchen Rajbeer? The one who made you angry because he was obviously making love to her?"
"Trust me Noor, you don't want to know. My only excuse is that I was only ten years old at that time."
"I'm not blaming you Rajbeer. If she was having an affair with another man and making love to him in the house you were naturally upset. Did you ever tell your dad about it?"
"...No Noor I did not..."
"Obviously not."
"Yeah obviously."
"Forget it. Probably that is why she said she was anxious to tell you that she understands you."
"She said that?"
"Yes, she did. She wanted you to know that it was no one's fault. She was probably in love with the guy."
"Yes. He was. I know that because he never stopped blaming himself for falling on her when she was so obviously battling a heart attack"
"You spoke with him later?"
"Everyday. Till he died."
"How could I not Noor? How could I not?"
 "Who was he Rajbeer? Anyone I know?"
"Yes Rajbeer?"
"Noor will you still stay with me after this?"
"Of course Rajbeer."
"Because Noor, I am a murderer. I killed my own mum in a fit of rage when she was making love to my dad on a winter afternoon in the family kitchen..."


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