From Being Chased by a Washing Machine to making a New Year Resolution

I seldom dream or as most people have told me, care to remember any of them. But, when I do, I try to decipher it because it is usually a once-in-six-months kind of oddity. 

On the last day of the last year (2017), I went off to sleep around 11 pm because I was shit tired. I had worked long days on the 30th and 31st and was in no position to go out or wait for the fireworks to go off. I fell on my bed and literally died till I was woken up by my own voice trying to shout but, sounding like that of a wounded animal in pain. 

I think it was the sound that woke me up. I have never shouted in my sleep ever before or been woken up by my own voice. 

As I opened my eyes to a grey room I recalled the dream vividly. I was being chased by a washing machine inside a home and I was running away from it. 

I also recalled thinking someone was pushing it to follow me and that if I shouted for help, I would be rescued by people - most probably my family - who were in the next room.

I tried shouting but, I was unable to. I tried really hard a few times and that is when I made that garbled noise that woke me up.

As I came to consciousness in my own bedroom in the apartment I live in alone, I was scared for a bit. What did happen? Who was trying to chase me? Why was that person or apparition hiding behind a washing machine of all things to chase me down?

Questions that my mind started forming within minutes of my waking up. By the time my breath returned to normal, I was wondering what message was my mind trying to share with me.

Then suddenly I realized it was the new year and the old one just slipped away while I was sleeping. 

As is human, I started feeling happy about the new and soon forgot about the crazy 'chase scene' and fell back to sleep dreaming of fresh new stuff. After all, who doesn't love the new?

In the next two days, though I did not stop thinking about it and discussed it with my family. My mother found it extremely scary - but, she is my mother. Then, my sister asked me something very interesting, "Are you running away from something?"

That was a good start. So, I started thinking if there was any truth in her query. There was no one to ask but, myself and I spent a lot of time thinking if I was indeed trying to run away from anything in particular. 

A day later - today - I opened up dream interpretation sites and read about chase dreams. Bingo!

She was right. That exactly was how chases were explained. 

I have been running away from a whole lot of decisions from a long time. I have been procrastinating and even avoiding my own counsel. 

It doesn't take a lot of insight to interpret a dream when you are nudged in the right direction. 

The washing machine was probably my own creative imagination that made me make up all the fancy and Surf Excel excuses that help me put off doing things by another day and then another and yet one more. 

So, my super-simple new year resolution would be to worry not and jump into the fray.

There's not much to lose is there. A wise man (may God rest his soul) had once told me many years ago, "there are only two ways a situation can go. Negative or positive. There is no in-between." 

Somewhere in the rat race called life, I had forgotten this absolute gem of an advice and started worrying too much about failing. It's silly in the long run to be scared of not doing something because of the fear of not passing with flying colors.

Life is actually simple because, either we have or we don't have certain things. What we have doesn't come with a guarantee of forever after and what we don't have is always a possibility that we can achieve.

My father, another wise man whose interpretation of life is really very simple always insisted that everything goes away eventually. I have been so burdened with the scare of losing that I had stopped taking the leap of faith. 



This year when it came through, tried to jolt me awake and make me aware of my inactivity. 

It was funny too for the simple reason that probably the universe was irritated by my status quo or maybe it was my inner self. So, something as innocuous as a washing machine was used to chase me out of my stupor by powers that be. 

Once I had uncovered the meaning of the great chase and scream dream sequence that made my life exciting in the pre-dawn hours of the new year, I laughed. I laughed hard at the exasperation of my self that is so tired of me putting things off.

It made it very easy for me to form my resolution - "get moving"!

Have a great and awesome new 2018 and, "get your ass moving people!" Because, it is always better to chase your dreams rather than be chased by them. 

My Thanksgiving Speech Sans the Turkey Roast

It's Thanksgiving once again and amidst amazing pictures of dinning tables and happy families across the seven seas I thought I'd get going with my thank you list - a tradition I started last year.

Let me tell you right here that this not a festival I celebrate personally nor do we get around the table at home and carve a turkey nor has it caught on in India - yet. But, I simply love the spirit of Thanksgiving. 

Being grateful brings great joy. It gives immense satisfaction. It makes one feel positive and happy and I like being happy. 

So, here goes my list for the year gone by. And... my vote of thanks goes to:

Family and Friends

As is the tradition - from what I have seen in innumerable Hollywood movies - I want to start with thanking my family and friends. Thank you, all of you and even if we did not get to speak at all this year, know that I cherish you all and am immensely thankful for your presence in my life. As is wont to happen in life, towards the sagging end of glorious spring - which I am going to be holding on to for a few more decades - I have realized that life is about relationships and nothing is more precious than human interactions. I will always be grateful for having you all around in all corners of the planet and know that there would have been no story of my life without each one of you in it. Thank you! Thank you and Thank you all! 

The Internet

This year because I have been working as a consultant without any fixed brick and mortar office. I would like to thank the Internet from the bottom of my heart for being there and making this miracle happen. I couldn't have done it without you! Lots of love and immense gratitude.

YouTube

Being a consultant and setting up a practice of my own also meant that I spent long hours at home working and calling strangers on phone and rushing out once in a while to meet people and working the official odd hours. Which means, I had scant time to actually go out and get entertained. This is where YouTube came to my rescue. From movies to comedy to gossip and news, I just had it all whenever I could find time. Considering I have not had a cable connection for more than a decade now, thanks to the new tube I can enjoy the magic of motion pictures once more! Thanks especially to the ever-sassy, IISuperwomanII, Pemberly Digital and Hallmark Channel's family-oriented love dramas. I know it sounds totally sappy but, hey! It's Thanksgiving. I refuse to lie. Thanks for the clean-cut and guilt-free entertainment any time I am free. 

Twitter

Oh! Thank you for making the adrenaline rush without going to the treadmill! It's a war zone out there and I really don't know what I'd have done without the excitement. It's addictive to invite trolls and then cry foul when the insults start! Ahhh! For cheap thrills! I love, love, love this site for bringing out the pseudo-intellectual snob in me. It's a great workout for the idle mind - I swear! 

Instagram

Who needs to go to a spa to relax when you can see the world in one click and be sucked into a fairy tale universe? I love the Instagram like nothing I have or perhaps will - err... maybe that was a perfect example of over-commitment but, hey! I live in the present, so... It makes my faith grow in leaps and bound for the planet Earth. The most beautiful planet with the most photogenic houses run over by the cutest and most well-mannered kids in perfect clothes with perfect kitchens overflowing with lovely food, the beautiful ladies and pearls of wisdom. The list of all things beautiful here is overwhelming. All's well with the world and God's in Heaven! Amen! 

PS: It's addictive. I think I may need rehab after a while for being this delusional first thing in the morning. Gee! But, Thanks for the awesome dopamine high every morning. Who needs dope? #instadope #instahope

Pinterest

My teenage life's greatest wish was having scrapbooks full of beautiful pictures that were actually my wishlist and what do you know? I have boards that take me to La La Land whenever I want to bail out. I used to love Pinterest the most till Instagram happened but, it still remains one of my favorite guilty pleasures. My secret scrapbook of my ultra secret wet dreams of fashion, travel bucket list, art, vintage cinema... all in one place on the worldwide web. Thank you so much!

Kindle

Though I only use the App but, nothing beats the pleasure of snuggling up in the bed and reading on the phone's white light - ruining my eyes beyond repair - and falling asleep with the phone lying flat on my nose making me sneeze and snore! But, that's just a very small price to pay. I just love all the free paranormal and young adult fiction that makes me feel less than half my real age and actually ready to take on the world till I wake up with an achy breakey back in the morning. Sigh! But, hey I love it and I will always be thankful of the fact that I can continue reading easy fiction without choking my home with more books. What more can one ask for? #Instaentertainment #Instahappiness

Writing

I can never be tired of thanking the universe for giving me the ability to write. It is the best thing in my life - it pays my bills, puts food on the table and lets me express myself like I can never do in person in a room full of people. Thank you dear ancestor whoever shared your gene with me!

Random Acts of Kindness

Over the years I have realized the hard way that no man or as in this case, woman, is an island. To all the random people who have ever appeared in my life out of nowhere just to give me a smile for no reason, the strangers who have taken my side out of the blue in a room full of people pushing me to a corner, people who have shared a seat in a crowded Metro or saved me from slipping on wet floor - happens all the time, shared water on a hot summer day or just randomly put a hand on my head to say, "God bless!" for no reason. I am thankful to you all for having appeared out of the blue  to cheer me up whenever life tried to break my back - happens all the time. You all make me feel happy to be a part of the human race and though it may sound too uncool and sentimental but, I wish on this Thanksgiving to be able to be like you kind people who taught me the greatest lesson in life, "it's always possible to be kind!"

Thank you everyone who I have already met and those I am yet to meet. I so look forward to getting inspired by you kind folks for the rest of my life. 

Thank you universe for putting me where I am and taking me through this amazing journey called the story of my life!

Thank you!

Of Women and Self Worth

"Caller: I don't think I should have taken this decision...

Me: Hmmmm... Babes I hate all my decisions at some point or the other but still back them up because they are mine...

Caller: Ye...ah... exactly! You see, think I should not have done this...and now... I wish I could turn back time... "

Usually when a phone call opens like this, I am almost always scared. Not because I believe in the worst, the caller is already doing that, but, because it never fails to worry me that people, even those who are highly intelligent and accomplished, have these dark moments when they totally forget their self-worth.

This is a trait that I have seen mainly among women. Men are mostly like, "It's OK. I screwed up, but, I have this other back-up plan that rocks...." And though I know that there is no Plan B but, I also know that he'll find a way out, as will the women...

But women, the more articulate gender and also the deep (end) thinkers (read worriers), they sell themselves real short.

When I get a call like the above from a woman, I know what to do. It is like working on a template. I just take some time out to remind them how intelligent and accomplished they already are and how I'd put all my money (if I had any) on them. Cliched though it may sound, it is always absolutely true. If it is otherwise, I don't mince words either.

The discussion works mostly because they are already intelligent and accomplished, like I said earlier. They usually go back, kick a few asses and make way for victory. So, I end up getting a lot of credit at the victory celebration. However, this normally embarrasses me to no end because I have done nothing much, not even given a pep talk, since whatever I had said was the truth.

Late last night, after dealing with two such back-to-back calls, I realized how lacking in self worth I myself was!
The heartfelt "thank yous" of both the girls left me deeply embarrassed even when one of them confessed that she had cried on a previous call while discussing the same problem and that, after speaking with me she was already laughing and raring to go. And I know that she'd win too. She just needed reminding how good she is...

But, I mumbled something incoherent at her heartfelt thank you and disconnected over a gruff "goodnight". 

Then, over a cup of late night tea, it suddenly occurred to me that I had actually helped someone feel good and instead of feeling embarrassed should feel a sense of accomplishment. I should rejoice that I am able to help again and again by listening, by making the right noises or even by suggesting the appropriate song list in cases of break-ups or helping with expletives on being handed the pink slip...

It was such a huge discovery that I had to write it down so I don't forget to mention a gracious, "you're welcome or it was a pleasure..." to the next heartfelt thank you.

Despite all my shortcomings and failures, despite my limited understanding of the human psyche and my much-hated whiplash tongue. Despite all the small and big mistakes that make me, I am able to help others by making them believe in them. And I'd say it's a huge accomplishment and I should feel great, not embarrassed. Who am I kidding? Shit! I have self esteem issues too... Ouch!!!