To Die is to Live Again

'To live is to die a little everyday. But, I love the resurrection part. Death is all the strength I need to rebuild life from scratch.' This thought stuck me recently and made everything clear.

Struggling through life is a norm for most people. We fall flat on our faces and then, like new born calves, try again and again till we are finally able to stand erect supporting our weight on our own two legs. But, it does not end there. Each time we hit a road bump, there we go falling flat on our faces once more.

In my last post, I wrote about famous people who had fallen but, rallied back to great success. This time I want to share the result of my own introspection on failures. 

It is pretty frustrating to fall. I know because, I am constantly slipping and falling both physically as well as in life. However, a very strong realization hit me recently as a result of the critical introspection that I had been doing of my personal and professional failures to understand, 'what was I doing wrong?'

It is an exercise I started last year and today, I am glad to share my understanding because it shattered a few of my own precious myths.

First thing I understood was, 'why?' 

In certain cases I slipped because I was not looking, I was careless. However, these were outnumbered by situations where I fell because I was too focused and too cautious. The learning - 'sometimes it is fine to follow instincts and react - we all have great instincts'.

One thing that shone through this period of introspection was the ability to almost always adapt to and bounce back, no matter how bad the situation. I keep flowing with the tide till my feet find ground once more. This was good news!

In my single-minded determination to pursue goals I fail because I become blind to everything else. It confines my dreams. At times it also makes me selfish and insensitive to other peoples' points of views. It is more often than not, a cause of downfall because I end up working in isolation. Sometimes I even withdraw because I'm worried that others will steal my ideas and at others, I am scared to share because I worry about the butt of joke I'd become if my endeavor fails.

I realize that to win, I need to improvise at every step and seek partnership. There are hardly any achievements that have been won in isolation. Everyone needs a team or at least a partner who has their back.

Sometimes I also lost despite a team/partner because I was not paying enough attention. I was so busy working on my plan that I never knew what was happening around. Sometimes, it pays to be in touch with everyone, to keep a finger on the pulse of those around you. Maybe they are trying to tell you something that would have acted as the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle or perhaps, they are not looking out for us at all, instead are busy in something else hence, leaving your back unattended. Often, I have been saved from trouble because I was constantly in touch with the team but, sometimes, either due to work pressure or some other reason when I did not, I'd found myself in a situation that pulled me down.

I also learnt that whatever happens, a learner never fails. S/he reinvents and strikes back. This is only possible by keeping our hopes alive and strongly hold on to our faith in self.

The key to success is to believe in your dreams. If I cannot dream I'll cease to exist. In my dreams I am unlimited and unvanquished. I am a winner already! At times it seems outright impossible. This makes me feel helpless, hopeless but, this is when I remember that this is not the end, the end is far from it.

I was recently watching the film, 'The Pursuit of Happyness' starring Will Smith. It is the real life story of a single dad's struggle to care for his 5-year-old and go after a dream that makes him start from scratch, live out of bags, even spend a night in a public toilet but, he does not give up. He despairs but, does not allow it to effect his performance and in doing so, turns over a new leaf in the story of his life and that of his son.

We all need to follow our dreams, whatever they may be, no dream is silly or small. They all have the potential to change our lives and that of those around us. We must hold on to them and improvise whenever we hit a road block. Every time we fail to make our dream a reality we die a little, but, each time we need to brush off that feeling of death and resurrect it in a new blue print. Never stop improvising, never stop adding.

I have bounced back every time and kept my sanity because, I have always lived my dreams. It is what has kept me floating.

This is great story by a life coach that I read today. It simply speaks about a person in deep despair because he'd lost his confidence and had sought out the help of the coach. This is the conversation that took place:

"Mentor: What was the strongest emotion you felt recently and how recent was it?

Person (after an incredulous pause): I was very angry just six hours back when my car was stuck in a jam.

Mentor: So, what happened to that anger? Where did it go in the last six hours after the incident?

Person (after an even longer pause and a smile at the end of it): It's there inside me..."

Yes, it never goes away, your dreams are always alive and right there inside you. Don't you ever forget that. Go make them real!

You are whatever you want to be and no one can steal your dreams unless you give them up without a fight.

On Conquering Death (Sometime in Future)

'I declare, I have conquered death.

I shall die no more but, rise to tell the tale.

I reject love and I reject pain. I win.'

At my speech, death laughed and opened its arms.

And I dropped wordlessly into its embrace.

Death came not a moment too soon; But, I was unprepared,

Soaking in the standing ovation at my declaration.

I thought I had time, I ruled my heart, my head.

As the ship that believes the sea its mistress.

I too sunk without a trace.

As darkness turned to light;

I saw hands. A million claws.

Dirty, grimy, seedy fingers reaching for me, I shivered.

Fire snapped and I reached out to warm my hands. 

Death kissed my forehead and said, "come, it will be fun."

My hands were soon joined with the others.

We were just hands, holding on for sanity.

Hoping, praying and dying a little everyday.

Clutching the beads, waiting, watching, looking out for death.

Death came often and held our hands checking them for roughness.

One day, death held my hands for a while;

I shivered, feeling suddenly, my body beyond my hands. 

Was I alive? Death did look worried. Had it lost a victim?

I felt nothing, no elation, no emotion, no hunger or joy.

Was this a miracle? Had I had finally died to conquer death?

Karma, Cause and Effect

A friend asked me today a question that kept me worried for most of the day. She asked, ‘how can we justify the Buddha abandoning his family, his wife and infant child to seek Nirvana?’ She said that many of us would also like to get away from our daily lives and perform services for greater good but, most of us will not be able to, because of our sense of duty towards those who love us and depend upon us.

I wondered, ‘what a solid question and how can one actually defend that?’ Especially, when it concerns a father and a prince whose duties were clearly cut out. I kept it in my head the entire day while I went about performing my duties till it came to me in a flash. It was something I had read recently about the law of give and take in the universe by the mythologist and management guru, Dr Devdutt Pattaik. He had said, 

"Ramayan is about the cost of rule-upholding, and Mahabharat is about the cost of rule-breaking. This way or that, there is always a cost. Dharma does not come free. Neither does Adharma. Everything has a cost. That is the law of Karma. No such thing as return without investment in the Cosmos. Dharma, or nobility, is an option; not Karma." 

As Prince Siddhartha, he had everything going for him, a royal palace, abundance of wealth, a beautiful and dutiful wife and a son and heir. His father doted on him and the subjects adored him. He was well-shielded from all external worries and had no clue to human suffering.

He lacked nothing and was worried about nothing. To give up such a life and roam the wilds in search of the answer to the ultimate question that would bring relief to the suffering multitudes sounds like a madman’s decision. This is especially true when you think how he reached that decision based on what he saw and perceived as the three ultimate truths of human life which he had glimpsed at by chance, illness, old age and death.

I thought hard and ran through a list of everyone I knew starting with myself and ending with the spiritual Gurus and Babas of our times but, could not come across many who would really give up riches on a whim and take to the wilds looking for answers like the young Prince Siddhartha did. 

How many other human beings have that strength or wisdom? I wondered. Perhaps, only a handful through history and yet, not many could find and successfully propagate what only Prince Siddhartha could.

Think. There were no personal losses, no bloody wars no broken heart in this young man's life, no bitterness, only three signs of human suffering and a sage.

But, it is the law of the universe that Karma will extract its pound of flesh and so, in our minds we see his young wife, Yashodhara and infant child, Rahul and an old father, Sudhdhodhan left behind bereft and crying. But, was that the only reality?

Whether it is Rama, Krishna or the Buddha each one of their lives as a great Master is also a story of extreme pain and suffering with their Karma dodging their path at every step throwing obstacles that would send any normal human being running for cover. When I think of the life of Jesus Christ, the Prophet Muhammad or Guru Nanak I see shades of the same story painted in different hues. These are the great Masters of the human race who had to walk through fire and ice to bring solace to humanity. And perhaps that was the only way they could reverse their Karma and bring to us the great teachings that can change ours.

In my life and times there can be no greater teacher than the frail and feminine Mother Teresa. Since this is not a strictly religious discussion I will not touch upon her faith at all. I am overwhelmed and humbled by the fact that she lived and worked in the same world as I did while growing up. She lived in extreme poverty and shared everything she owned with lepers and destitute. Yet, many fingers have been pointed at her.

Fingers have also been raised at the Dalai Lama who apart from being a titular head and a religious leader who has the world’s who’s who among his fan list has tirelessly fought for a group of people who lost their land in a tragic situation (again, this is not a political discussion, so no further).

What humbles me the most however is that we are all a chip off of the same old block. Meaning, since matter can neither be created nor destroyed we are all a part of the same dust that created this world millions of millennia ago. This thought had stuck me a while  back and I had put it up on my Facebook Wall because I was overwhelmed by my own finding. I had explained it thus, 

"E = mc2 says mass cannot be either created or destroyed only changed into energy. In that case, I am a part of the same mass that started off the universe and so are you. Which means you and I are interchangeable with the billions of others (known and unknown, living or non-living) who are a part of the universe. Which means all of us contain the same atoms that was once a part of the Gods and messiahs who roamed Earth. Which means I have the same power that built the universe. Then, why does this knowledge make me feel humble not proud?"

To answer my friend who had set me thinking today, we all have the capability to become Bodhisattvas but since each one of us is tied to our Karma (past and present) and are enslaved to it, we need to take matters in our own hands and change it.

Renouncing the world for greater good is the job of a true Master and if I feel that it is not in me to do it then I should try and change my Karma by making the world around me a better and comfortable place for those who are in my immediate environment.

At work I should put in my 100%, at home and family, I should strive to be the soother, the caregiver, among friends, I must be the one who is always there to support and protect. It works in every sphere of my life.

When I stretch, bend and break my back to bring happiness all around me, my Karma automatically changes and I gain peace and happiness. And that, my friend is my personal path to Nirvana and perhaps also yours.