Finding Joy in the Times of Corona

Happiness has become a premium product in 'Corona Kaal' or in 'The Age of Corona'. Simple things like, hugging and talking to someone face-to-face has become taboo for an year now. I won't lie that it has been easy for me either though I am a self-confessed loner. I have tried everything to keep myself gainfully occupied even when work became scarce and family members needed to be taken care of and the best way was to take them in.

Gainful employment took various meanings for me - cook, clean, shop, chop and drop (dead at the end of the day.) Also, I went back to art and writing by hand, keeping journals, diaries and doodle pads. I tried to go back to my childhood looking for things that made me happy and dug out board games and old Doordarshan shows on YouTube.

The only time I took the camera out of the house was last month when it seemed that the virus was on the wane but, it has made a comeback this month and how!

One whole year later, I can honestly say that non-deliberate slow living is a killer.

Don't take me otherwise, I am a great believer in slow living and must confess that it has been great for me when I had been practicing it deliberately. Not when it was enforced upon me last year by a pesky virus.

The top 10 things that kept me going during Corona Kaal were simple things that mostly included - but of course, human interaction.

1. Spending time with my family in my home (that would never have happened under normal circumstances.) At one point I had both my parents and then, I had my mother, sister and niece staying with me. It was hectic and physically taxing but, such happy times. I am really thankful for the six months my house was open for my family.

2. Spending winter afternoons at the building terrace chatting with neighbors, playing board games, watching flashy migratory birds in the nearby clump of trees, singing, drying launtry in the afternoon Sun and enjoying bonfires in the evening. It was a piece directly out of my childhood memories. Full of warmth and smell of burning logs.

3. Sharing food with neighbours and exchanging recipes. Don't even get me started on this one. The last year was the year of extensive and experimental cooking till most people started getting dreaded words like, cholestrol, uric acid and what not in their yearly blood reports! 

4. Going out once in 10 days to buy groceries and chatting up with the vendors. Talking to the shopkeepers and roadside vendors and listening to their stories and issues are highlights of my week. The market days are full of local news and political discussions. I really look forward to them over the ease of getting everything delivered at my doorstep.

5. Finding out shops that sell art and craft supplies and spending whatever leftover money from the groceries on paint and paper, brush and pens. It was so therapeutic. Creative outlet is my go to psychiatrist these days. Or, at least an instant pick-me-up.

6. Meeting known faces on the road and passing them by because of the mask has been crazy but, upon realizing who it is, it's the best feeling to be able to spend a few minutes talking and exchanging news however mundane. Just saying 'Namaste' or 'hi' to someone I am used to talking all the time before, never fails to make me emotional in a happy kind of way these days. 

7. Gardening. Can't explain what the sight of a thriving plant that I had foraged or a new leaf coming out of an old plant makes me feel. I must confess that I have cried at the sight of a new leaf - go figure!

8. Writing by hand. It made me so happy that I had stopped blogging altogether till today. Enough said.

9. WhatsApp maybe a curse and have broken up old friends with new political differences but, the video calls were highlights of many a days when there was nothing to look forward to but, long winter evenings that were really hard. Family and friends from different cities and other parts of the world were there to reassure that I was not alone. Many of my uncles and aunts and also my mother learnt how to use the video calling facility and it made them feel so happy to see each other and talk like they were in the same room. Warmed the cockles of my heart.

10. No thanks to mainstream media with its made up news but, YouTube's the hero all the way. Truth found a new space here though it is under government scrutiny these days. But, with videos on myriad topics from food to lifestyle, DIY, art, culture and 'real' news. I think YouTube's slayed it for me. 

I won't say that was all but, these were defintly the things that kept me sane and grounded. I also re-started Yoga since my annual blood report fared no better than that of the rest of the world. 

Mainly I learnt that my happiness is totally dependent upon me. I alone am responsible for keeping it sane and healthy. I am not ashamed to say that I did touch rock bottom several times and lost some loved ones and spent sleepless nights praying for recovery of others. But, through it all what kept me going was faith that, 'this too shall pass'.

Despite the shelved life plans, scare of even a single sneeze or running nose or inability to make rotis that are soft and fluffy everyday or, not being able to plan for the future, the things that keeps me going are, kindness of random people, smiles of complete strangers and a strong belief that this is not the end and life will be back on tracks - soon.

Do share your experinces as well. Because, together we will get over this too. 

Take care and stay safe.

Picture Credits: Shoma Chakraborty

The Hipster and her Cuppa

All through my teens and the twenties, I followed all the (Indian) hipster or arty traits - wore handloom, went for plays, had hot political discussions, read thick life-changing books, studied literature, watched avant garde cinema even carried a jhola but, there are two things that I never did - I never wore a fedora and never drank tea.

I have not worn a fedora till date but, tried on other kinds of hats and caps and though I worked as a journalist for the first part of my career, I didn't have tea till I left journalism, left the city of my birth and my family behind and replanted my self into another place.

I have always believed that I came of age in my very late 20s and early to mid 30s. I was a late bloomer or plain dumb about life till it hit me with a ton of bricks on my face.

Anyway, coming back to tea that has become my best friend somehow in the last decade or so. I never drank tea because I was brought up on milk. I loved milk. I could have milk any time of the day and feel lucky. My friends hated me for that because, I would go to their homes, turn down their mom's offer for a cup of tea and ask for a glass of milk instead - even in college! This not just embarrassed my poor friends but, also got them huge lectures on how they should also drink tea like me - facepalm and sorry everyone I did this to. I was too selfish and too much in love with milk to be any better.

It is almost surreal to think that in my avataar as a cub in the newsroom I was in-charge of 'making tea' for a whole year for the entire team because, I was the youngest. I knew exactly how much sugar or milk each person in the room wanted and if someone wanted none. We used to get a pot of tea with separate sugar and milk with cups and dishes every 3 hours on a silver platter - literally. It was a luxury that stopped at that. The serving had to be done by the people themselves. So, according to some crazy old tradition, the serving had to be done by whoever was the youngest in the room till someone younger than them joined the team. I was stuck with serving for more than a year!

Gossip from a Tea House in Delhi

Anyhow, while making tea for everyone even in the coldest of winter evenings in Delhi, I didn't feel like taking a sip myself. It was simply a matter of taste.

In my new avataar in a corporate company in a new city by the sea full of tinsel dreams, I was happy to skip winter altogether. For the first couple of years I didn't care for tea even when I settled into Bomaby. However, I tried out some raw and Darjeeling tea with friends at coffee shops because, coffee is  another drink I don't indulge in - I still don't. By now there was no one I knew who didn't drink tea or coffee. Life had changed by 360 degrees.

I think it was in 2005 that I started having black or raw tea in the  mornings as an experiment. I tried it with sugar, strong, with honey and then, light and without any condiments. I could not have warm milk by then because, I had developed lactose allergy - Sigh! 

Love and a Cup of Tea

With time I started experimenting and found out the various blends, about the aroma and even different flavors and herbs that go well with tea. It has been a great journey is all I can say. In the last several years we (tea and I) have come a long way. I drink it with salt, honey, sugar, nothing and still love it though milky tea is still a big no. 

Now I cannot imagine mornings and evenings without tea or reading a book or watching Netflix or bad TV at my parents' without a cuppa. 

Tea has this endearing quality like water. It makes you feel full and hydrated, it takes away pimples - the villains from teenage years, it gives you warmth in the coldest of days and keeps you from being thirsty on a hot day. You can drink it hot or cold and as a fancyass drink at a high-end cafe.

Storm outside an Icy Teacup

Since we started our journey together, tea and I have traveled back to Delhi, taken highs with lows and gone through life as best friends. I have written poems and clicked enough pictures of my teacups from across India to stand testimony to our love. I have felt it give me support and warmth in the coldest of situations and let me breathe when the dementors came to suck my happiness. It has been my Patronus and light in the darkest of days - sorry for the Potter references but, somehow there's no other way to explain this better. 

Love aka Mad Hatter's Tea Party

Tea may not be someone's whiskey but, it does better. It gives you courage and strength by letting you regroup your thoughts. It doesn't addle your brain and it does not judge you for being poor. You can still buy your cup of happiness from the local stall for 5 bucks.

Tea may not have made me rethink my life but, it has given me courage to face it without fear on winter mornings when the world is freezing but, you have to drive 35 km one way in the fog to reach work and come back in worse light. One cup before leaving and thinking of another waiting for you when you get to your destination is enough to keep you going. It is like Birbal ki Khichri really. It lets you survive the worst. (If you don't know what I am talking about, please click on the link to read.)

Birbal ki Khichri 

I think Indians should make tea their national drink because it reminds me of Birbal ki Khichri when I see the crowd around a tea stall in winters - people with little hope and kids with almost no warm clothes hold on to their small plastic cups tightly to let heat seep into their hands and let their imagination take over. 

Imagination is such a big champion of the will to continue when reality looks like death on testosterone. Tea lets you dream that you are warm, among friends and at home - the aroma, the warmth and the smile that it brings to your lips on a cold winter evening or when you are completely soaked by Monsoon rains and have bone aching fever. In your imagination tea changes the bleak and the drab to something possible to surmount because there is still love all around you. Tea is magic in a cup. I am glad that I found it when I did because, as a child I never lacked magic in my life but, as an adult I was desperately in need of some that did not make my mind hallucinate chemically.

And no, I wouldn't want to mix tea with politics because look at where it has taken America. They now want a Wall like the Chinese. I believe tea is more of an icebreaker than a wall maker and the country that started its journey with a tea party and the country that introduced tea to the world both threw up politicians that believe in walls for safety. Come on guys where's your heart? Sometimes I worry that with a chaiwallah as a PM, India too maybe heading for a wall - or maybe not.

But, whatever it may be, with wall or without, here's saying cheers to chai!

Say 'No' to Stay Happy

Life is never easy and mostly this is because there are too many choices to make. For every decision you take there are a thousand that 'could have been' or 'would have been' or 'if only'.

Personally, I have always faced a problem has been saying 'No'. I have always been scared of making someone unhappy by saying no when they want me to say, 'Yes'.

It had made my life thoroughly complicated and difficult for many years. The idea that I will hurt someone by saying 'No' always ended up by me being miserable for a long time for saying, 'Yes'.

The heart always knows what is right and the wise always go with their heart. I finally learnt to say 'No' from my young niece. When she was just learning to communicate at around the age two years, she would very clearly let us know if she did not want something. She'd simply say, 'no' and stick to her decision. Whether it was on food, time to be put to sleep, who she would want to be carried around by - for every decision, she'd look at what is on display and give her emphatic decision.

I learnt from her. By closely following her whims, I realized that she was exercising her right to choice without any outward influence. It did not matter whose heart she was breaking by saying no. What mattered was whether she was comfortable with the final decision - I observed that she always was. Once she decided, she stuck to the decision and stayed happy. She actually is a happy human being who is able to light up a dark day with her laughter.

Most of us are like her when while growing up. But, adulthood and society takes care of us soon and we become slaves to what is supposedly 'expected behavior.'

But, each time we say 'yes' to something that we wanted to say 'no' to, we kill a bit of ourselves by putting our happiness on hold.

Since Dussehra just passed us by, another story struck me and made me believe that what I learnt from the baby in the last couple of years was absolutely correct. It is the story of Ratnakar bandit who later became the great sage, Valmiki.

Ratnakar confessed to a monk he had captured that he became a dreaded criminal and highway robber to feed his family. The monk very calmly asked him to go back to his family and ask them if they were ready to take his sins on their heads because he was 'killing and looting innocents to feed them'.

Ratnakar without hesitating for a moment said, "of course they do. They are my mother, father, wife and children. They have always known what I do and how I bring home food. They are partners in my life of crime because they are benefiting from it."

The monk who was tied-up to a huge tree and had the fierce Ratnakar staring at him in the eye with a scimitar ready to behead him said, "Nothing is involuntary in the universe. Go and ask your family and if they say that they are ready to take your sins on their heads, I will be happy to die by your hands."

Ratnakar somehow could not say, 'No'. Perhaps this was his biggest character flaw as he was soon to realize.

He went back to his family in the jungle and asked each one of them separately and then, together but, everyone unanimously refused to take on his sins including his mother and beloved children. They all said, 'it was your duty to take care of us and you did it the way you decided to. We never influenced or asked you to take on a life of crime and murder to feed us. It was your decision to do so and therefore, the sins that you have incurred are also yours.'

No amount of begging or crying would change their minds. Finally, the truth hit the dreaded bandit that we are alone are responsible for taking our own decisions and therefore to suffer or reap the rewards of the Karma we make from them.

He thought he was making his family happy but, in taking care of their happiness he refused to take a road that might have been less paying thinking it would make his family happy. Probably they were too but, Ratnakar himself was not. He was miserable and constantly afraid of death that he meted out to others all the time. Probably it was his inability to overcome his fear of death that made him listen to the monk who had nothing to lose.

In saying 'Yes' to a path of crime, Ratnakar had permanently written-off his choice to be free of the ghosts of his own making. He was successful but, not happy.

He went back to the monk, let him off and took up a vow to cleanse his sins by praying on an ant hill for many years.

How that worked out and how he became the revered saint Valmiki, the author of Ramayana is another story and perhaps his reward for accumulating good Karma post renunciation of the material world.

That day however, was an eye-opener for Ratnakar because, he realized the hard way like most of us that we alone have to suffer our choices. No one will take up the responsibility of our mistakes or bad choices even if we have taken it to make them happy.

What matters is to listen to your heart and follow what your gut tells you.

Choose wisely to live happily because we are the protagonists of our stories and each story deserves a happy ending.

Looking forward to a Grand Finale

As the year draws towards a grand finale I realized that it has been almost an year that I have been working on my own from home. There were enough skeptics to the idea and I was and still am the greatest of them all. But, it helped me achieve two very important goals in life.

The first and one that was always the greatest dream for me, to tell stories - I wrote - almost like a woman possessed.  Today, I am on the verge of finishing my very first novel amid lots of doubts, speculations and yes many, many, many writer's blocks. I also wrote several short stories and got back in touch with the poet in me. I may not have entered anything for competition nor did I sign the contract that was offered by a publishing house for the book (since I was stuck with a block and also full of foolish doubts) but, I know it has been a great achievement (with a lot of egging by family and friends who have tried everything from being nice and encouraging to being downright rude when I stopped work on the novel) but, what a feat it has been!

The second achievement that this year bestowed upon me was something I never thought myself capable of because I have a mind that wanders all over the place refusing to sit still. So, when today I realize that I CAN sit still in one place and meditate for more than one hour everyday. I feel like I'm the champion of this world.

So, as the year draws to a close I think I am better off in comparison to what I was this time last year, because, I am much more relaxed, I smile lots and have time for all those who need me. I also listen to a lot of good music, read books by known as well as unknown writers, watch movies that I would never have had time to watch earlier, appreciate good art, go for walks and have great discussions with my ma and loads of fun with my dad like I would when we were both young - me a kid and he a youth.

Technically, I may not be rich in terms of a bank balance but, I realized that what I got back is something that I never thought I'd get back ever - my innocence in appreciating whatever is around me, the morning Sun, the dew drops on leaves, the smile of children and strangers and most of all a strong faith that tells me that everything will be all right!
I hope and wish fervently that everyone else gets it too. In my series of realizations, here's something that I realized yesterday. Take some time out and think about it without allowing cynicism pollute your thoughts after all, this is a theory backed by science.

"E = mc2 says mass cannot be either created or destroyed only changed into energy. In that case, I am a part of the same mass that started off the universe and so are you. Which means you and I are interchangeable with the billions of others (known and unknown, living or non-living) who are a part of the universe. Which means all of us contain the same atoms that was once a part of the Gods and messiahs who roamed Earth. Which means I have the same power that built the universe. Then, why does this knowledge make me feel humble not proud?"

Love and light,
Shoma

An old sadhu does Surya Namaskar at the Pushkar Lake unpreturbed by the fact that I was clicking his picture. Mark of a Yogi?