From Saving my Ma from Zombies to Losing my Family to Zombiehood

I woke up at 5 am today and with a distinct memory of saving my ma and me from being eaten up by a bunch of zombies pretending to be human. 

I swear we were invited to a posh restaurant with dark interiors and grey walls by a very suave ex-student of my mom's who looked a bit like a Bollywood A-lister last evening. I did hate all my mom's students at one time because she loved them and spent a whole lot of time with them but, didn't remember this guy. Though my ma seemed to remember him well enough to accept his invite. To me, he looked smarmy right from the start. What clinched the deal for me however was the fact that he was willing to drive us both in his luxurious dark-tinted SUV and anyone who knows me knows how I hate to drive.

So, off we went, nicely dressed and happy. I was dreaming of the lovely food that I would get to click for my Instagram account while, ma was busy chatting up with the 40-something 'boy'!

We reached this posh and unlisted looking restaurant whose entrance looked like that of an old fort with grey exposed rocks and accompanying arches. It looked pretty cool with vintage furniture and liveried staff.

I was so busy dreaming of kebabs and biryani by now that I couldn't wait to get inside and start. I however saw that the place had valet parking before we all went in to meet this middle-aged smarmy guy's family - this was a lucky thing to do. 

The inside was a bit of a let down because once you entered, the walls didn't change. They were still grey exposed stones as outside. The furniture was very flimsy and the people looked almost lost in their own world. Most-importantly, there was no aroma of food. But, I chalked it all up to - bad place to eat and walked with my ma to the table where the family of some kids and their mom was waiting for us. I was looking at a very boring evening by now and all dreams of food photography was off because the place hardly had any light.

We sat down. The entire trek from the door to the table laid out at the back of the restaurant took a while because of my ma's bad knee, She shuffled and walked leaning on her cane while the smarmy 'student' held her hand smiling like he was eyeing a trophy. My ma was obviously soaking in all the attention.

We sat down finally, I insisted on sitting next to ma - thank God!

After a while, I realized that there was no food coming in and then a strange feeling hit my spine. I turned around to see a sea of deadened eyes looking at us as if we were a feast served. I looked back at them archly like any Delhi girl used to having people stare at them in public places. But, suddenly as my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I saw a sea of grey faces and some with cracking make-up. 

I knew in a jiffy that we were in the wrong place and in wrong company thanks to all the paranormal romances I have been devouring in the last few years. I knew we were the dinner!

My only worry now was to get ma out of the place quickly which is next to impossible because of her arthritis. I turned back to the table to suddenly see that the kids were eyeing my ma with similar hungry eyes as the others at our back. The smarmy guy was still acting suave and so was his wife though her make-up had started cracking. Ma was oblivious to all and talking 19 to a dozen with the devious duo.

I had to do something and I did. With SFX-defying speed, I stood up dragging ma up from the flimsy chair that broke when it fell. Ma yelped and I said, "grab the cane."

She did it with the speed of a parent who is tired of her defiant-since-teenage rebel-wihout-cause offspring and looked up. I said, "run".

She looked at me as if I had finally lost my mind. With regret on her face, she turned to our hosts who were yet to order dinner and finally saw what I had already seen - the drying make-up that had fallen-off the smarmy guy's cheek showing a row of dirty exposed teeth and rotting gums.

It was perhaps the teacher in her that got really disgusted by the lack of hygiene despite having taught it to all her students that she got wildly angry and suddenly picked up the stick and whacked him on his head. 

I must say, that her action took everyone in the room by surprise and bought us a lot of time. I knew already that zombies are slow on the uptake thanks to the paranormal series I had been devouring and broke into a run pulling ma by her wrist. 

My only fear now was the arthritic knee that might stop us from making the escape. I spied a closed doorway on my left and suddenly remembered all the airline safety drills that insisted on telling you about the doors on the left and right that "open in case of emergency." This was a bloody emergency said my brain and I dragged ma to the door.

And yes, it opened. Because, it WAS an emergency.

We were out in a sunlit lawn and there were shaded deck chairs full of - yes - more zombies!

I knew that we had walked out into the frying pan from the fire but, still we were out in the open and we could see things clearly. I also suddenly realized that ma could keep pace with me. I looked at her and then her knee and up back at her with awe in my eyes pride in my swelling heart and like some Bond girl she shrugged her shoulder delicately and kept running with me.

My heart swelled in gratitude to see her walk without any pain. I loved this moment more than anything but, we had zombies to get rid of before we could rejoice.

So, I shoved her into an alcove in a stoney wall which was covered with moss and flowers and put a finger to my lip to tell her to keep quiet. The zombies on the deck chairs were stirring a little and I could hear a bit of a commotion coming from inside the faux-restaurant - or was it a real one for "zombies only"?

Anyway, I had no time to loose. I ran to the the edge of the parking and spied an old and battered red Maruti 800 and quickly memorized the number off the twisted plate. With that I ran back to ma and took her out of the alcove and walked boldly back to the entry. A swarm of zombies ran past us - apparently looking for us, so we held our breath. No breath means you too are a zombie - thanks to my knowledge of paranormal literature.

We quickly made it to the front door and I gave the number of the red car to the liveried staff who didn't at all look like a zombie - how were they managing to stay alive? There was no time to investigate or even ask because, they could tip us off to the swarm of greys still running around in the garden looking for us. 

Anyhow, the car came in, I took to the wheels, ma got in quicker than me still clutching her walking stick like a talisman or a weapon of mass destruction and I strapped her to the seat. I drove like a manic without sparing any rubber till I remembered that the zombies could follow our tracks and slowing down. When I checked left, ma was fast asleep like my baby niece often is after a day of adventures. 

What woke me up was the fact that the zombies knew where my folks lived. I had to move them quickly to my place.

It was still dark when my eyes popped opened and the phone said it was 5 am. Adrenaline levels were still high in my blood and the zombies had lost us for good.

By 9 am I was already up and around for four hours. So, decided to call ma to see if she was doing good. I must confess that I half expected her to be unwell while the other half wanted her to be rid of the pain like she was in the dream. 

So, she picked up on the nth ring when I was about to hang up and walk down to her place and said, "you are awake?"

I must say that was a low blow but, I managed to carry on saying, "yes and also done with tea, Yoga and breakfast."

Her reply was a very casual, "oh."

I thought something was wrong and asked her if all was well. 

She sounded sad and said, no, Nonie - my niece - was unwell and had been sent to her already for the day because she was not going to school. I tut-tutted and said, "can I talk to her?"

My ma said, "I don't think she'd be interested."

I was aghast. I said, "how can you say that?" 

She totally side-stepped that and said, "Are you coming now?"

I said, "Do you want me to? I can if you need help with the baby."

Her answer was a bored, "not really."

This conversation was getting messier by the minute. Had the zombies attacked my parents' home?

So, I persisted, "what's up with you all?" 

She sounded really bored with the conversation by now and said, "we are watching Masha and the Bear and Masha has made dresses out of all seven of the bear's towels and now he has nothing to dry himself with when he takes a bath..."

My head was reeling. "WHAT?"

I heard my niece's voice suddenly shouting, "didu, didu, the bear's in the shower..."

My ma said, "I have to go now. The bear's in the shower," and disconnected.

Surely, the zombies have won and even my little niece is one of them. So, much for my trying to save my family from the attack of the zombies. 

Realization: As long as there is the television hanging from the drawing room wall. My family will be a part of the zombie tribe however much I try to save their souls. 

Getting Laid

"Dark and edgy is what works."

"If you say so. I think, people flock to fluff and romance."
"That's because real life is dark and edgy."
"You bet! But, that is why people want to align with fluff and romance."

It was a regular weekday on a crisp winter morning in Delhi. They had both bunked work in favor of loitering around the city drinking tea and doing nothing in general. It was not a regular thing for either of them. In fact, it was a first for both. But, somehow it had happened. They had met at the bus stop near the office and said "hi" to each other and then together, "Doesn't it feel like Sunday?"
It had triggered-off a series of events that started with simultaneous bursting into giggles and then on a sudden impulse she had caught hold of his wrist and rushed them into a waiting auto-rickshaw. He had not asked any questions or objected when she told the driver to take them to the nearest open air restaurant.
It was mostly empty since everyone was at work so, they took up a place near the latticed terrace wall overlooking a green sea which was actually a canopy of trees.
"It's so nice up here. Isn't it? It is actually a perfect place to Sun bathe."
He merely smiled into his cup saying nothing.
She was obviously not used to long silences and said, "I read your blog posts the other day."
He looked up immediately and gave her his standard quizzical look. She jumped in again to fill in the silence.
"Your work is too positive, too romantic."
That is when the discussion veered towards dark and edgy versus romantic.
It was strange actually that he wrote on romance because his real life was very dark and edgy. Everyone knew that. He never hid the fact that he was a loner after his wife had run away with his best friend when his mother was at her death bed fighting a fast losing battle with cancer.
The double jolt, since his mother died within days of his wife running away had sobered him up. He had simply retreated into himself and no one messed with him.
It was well known that he did not like mixing up. He never moved with the pack. He even had his meals alone in the canteen. He was not abrupt or anti-social but, he liked being on his own. Too many people made him nervous and set his teeth on edge.
She had joined his team only a month back. A transfer case from another city. She knew nothing about anyone and was an exact opposite of what he was.
Since she never asked nor he explained, he thought that she did not possibly know about the dark and edgier side of his life. At least this is what he believed, till this moment.
Why were they having this conversation?
When she looked up to see him he saw it in her eyes. The defiance was palpable. One could even touch it with bare hands. She was stirring him up. She knew. She wanted to stir him up.
She had been setting him up for all this while. She had pulled him out of his self-imposed exile without him getting to know of it.
He still had a choice. She was giving him a choice.
He wanted to get up and go but, then he looked at her face for a second. She had asked for it. Should he not give it back to her?
The idea jolted him. It hit him like a punch below the belt. A snake long dead and awaiting cremation somewhere in the nether regions stirred up and opened its eyes.
She had asked for it.
Slowly he looked her deep in the eye and then, his own eyes roamed way below the point where it was uncivilized to stare.
She looked at him checking her out and squirmed in her seat. Had she gone too far this time?
But, even she was too far gone to care. The attraction was mutual but, he'd done nothing to stoke the fire. She had wanted to provoke him into action for too long but, everyone had advised her against it. So, she had taken the friendship route and he'd slowly but reluctantly accepted and here they were.
Finally, everything was out in the open and she took a deep breath to steady her racing heart. 'Will he rise to the bait?'
Slowly, she took her shoes off and brushed her right foot with his left calf. Without missing a beat, he caught her shapely ankle in his strong hand and started rubbing it slowly up and down. He pulled her leg to his thigh and continued messaging her ankles, moving up to her calves.
She settled down a little more on the chair with a sigh and he continued staring at all the wrong places. She held her breath.
The tea that the waiter had brought a while back was soon forgotten and then discarded because it had turned stone cold.
As if by tacit understanding, they rose together and without taking his eyes off her, he tossed some money out of his wallet on the table.
"Your home or mine?"
"Is your place romantic?"
"No. It is dark and edgy."
"Great! Then yours."
She smiled at him and walked ahead. He followed in the wake of her swishing skirt.

Part II coming soon!

(Part 2: http://shomachakraborty.blogspot.in/2013/10/getting-laid-part-ii.html)

A Chocolate Romance

It happened when he looked up from the neatly lined boxes of chocolates at the mall shelf and saw her eyeing a display across the counter. Their eyes met for a second across the pretty and expensive boxes of imported chocolates and he thought, "her eyes are the color of molten chocolate in a cup..."

His black eyes, staring at her boldly, reminded her of rich, dark chocolate. So bitter and yet, so scrumptious once you get used to them.

Realizing they were staring, she looked down, hiding her chocolate brown eyes under a fan of lashes that skimmed her mocha skin. He sighed, his mind simulating mugs of thick brown coffee sprinkled with cinnamon and the taste of chocolate mousse melting in his mouth.

Hearing him sigh, she looked up. His eyes were closed, a smile hovered around his cherry lips. His skin was the color of café au lait. He looked ecstatic. She groaned in her mind, fantasizing about strawberries and cherries dipped in chocolates.

Her groan made him look up and she blushed.

She had groaned out aloud! Hastily picking up a box of chocolate truffle candies from the shelf she almost ran to the counter - far away from this man who tortured her with chocolate thoughts and made her head buzz like exotic liquor-filled chocolate fantasies.

His smiled ruefully, shaking his head and picked up a bag of chocolate kisses, thinking; Chocolate will never  taste the same ever in his mind and followed her to the till. He needed to find out more, needed to taste...