#3 Dear me! Letters to Myself: Coming of Age

Image Courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

Dear Life,

This is my third letter to you.

I now start my day thinking what to write to you because there is so much I want to tell you. My head is full of reasons why I must thank you. I wonder why did I take this long to start?

This morning I remembered myself as a kid in school. I laughed thinking how I used to pray in the assembly hoping teachers would forget that they had given assignments if I had forgotten to complete mine, and how mostly my prayers were answered. I thought I was a lucky little girl.

How I wish dear life, that I had not squandered wishes away on unfinished assignments. I didn't know then that the genie only grants a limited number of wishes and we must ask for them only after careful consideration.

Nothing had really prepared me for sudden adulthood. Least of all, school or college where I was protected, cherished and given wings to fly.

Then dear life, came my violently ushered coming of age. It was sudden.

I woke up from a pleasant dream kicking and screaming with tears streaming down my cheeks to find that I was an adult who was untrained to deal with the real world. It was scary and I had no mechanism to cope with it.

Shame, loss, betrayal, illness... You name it and I had it shoved at me. In one stroke, my life was - I thought - ruined.

It was nothing like the lovely coming-of-age movies I had grown up watching, where, pretty boys and girls in beautiful dresses and hairstyles went through small confusions, overcame them and lived happily ever after.

Mine was all blood, sweat and the nasty realization that some people really hated me though I had given them no reason for it.

It was while flailing down a dark hole that I encountered others who were concerned and reached out to pull me back. I was so scared that I didn't know if I wanted to be saved. Did these people really want to save me? Why? Was it pity?

Eventually, I learnt that just like haters, there is no accounting for people who love you. There's no formula for this.

Thankfully I had you. My most trusted confidante. You were patient, understanding and allowed me to vent out my feelings.

I knew that you did not pity me.

You let me cry.

You helped me understand my pains, the reasons for them and gradually made me let go of my anger.

It is your most precious gift and I cannot thank you enough for it.

You stood with me on the shore of a friendly sea in a busy city. when I just said, "I give up my anger and pardon everyone who has wronged me!"

How I laughed and chuckled and jumped that morning. The gentle breeze fanning my spirit to soar, There was nothing weighing me down. I was free. Free to be an adult.

It was my most liberating moment and I can still touch the feeling as I write.

Thank you, thank you and thank you again.

With anger out of the way, you took me by my hands and pulled me inside. You showed me my heart. You introduced me to my spirit. You helped me put on my wings again and fly.

You also taught me to be kind and generous and to open my heart to other people and to help them.

I think that was a smashing gift! I know, 'smashing'! Funny? No? But, it was. It smashed all the boundaries around my heart.

Thank you for making me a better human being by allowing the light to pour in through the cracks of my shattered self worth. You made me glow with that light, put a smile on my lips and kindness in my eyes.

I now know that people spend a lifetime or a lot of money on cosmetics to get this look.

Thank you dear life for being my guide!

Love,

Shoma

Image Courtesy: Shoma Chakraborty

#2 Dear me! Letters to Myself - Falling Leaves

Falling leaves
Image Courtesy: Shoma

Dear Life,

I know that this is a sudden spurt but, like I said, I had been wanting to write to me/ you/us for a long time. For years now I have been my own best friend and confidante.

Today, as October has turned into November and the dried leaves filled up the backyard, I did not clear it as I usually do. Instead, I sat down with you to think, to look back and relax.

You may have called me a few names for not getting chores done but, it did not matter. Just sitting there with feet dipped in sunlight falling across the threshold was enough to stop you from lecturing me in just a few minutes. Oh! How the mighty fall!

Rest and be thankful
Image Courtesy: Shoma

The thoughts were not too difficult to follow were they?

Remembering the raw and ripe mangoes filling up the place just a few months ago.

Raw mangoes were falling like the now dried leaves at one point and it was such a pleasant surprise to wake up and find them scattered all around waiting to be picked up.

Once the novelty wore off, I stopped picking them up and instead left them for the domestic and society help. Food's food, isn't it?

A few days later, the ripe fruits would start plopping down. It was a funny surprise.

Still sleepy, I thought it was the neighbours upstairs throwing down half or partially-eaten mangoes because most of them were somewhat eaten.

It took a few minutes to imagine what was happening. It was the birds, feasting on the fruits while they were still hanging up there on the branches!

It made me laugh so much. I looked at the fruits, half eaten and thought, "Wow! Organic! Innocent and sitting ducks."

Fallen
Image Courtesy: Shoma

And today, the leaves are falling, messing up the same place which it had once studded with fruits.

Dried leaves. Who wants them? Who needs them? And certainly, no one is burning them this winter.

It's after almost a month that we could actually open the door and sit out for a while. The smog had made it Hell for so long. 'No bonfires please, we are choking!'

Yes. Life is like that. One day you are raw, then, ripe, thrown around half chewed and then - gone up in smoke.

Death is not the end though because all those who have laughed with you when you were raw and ripe and cried for you when you were chewed up and thrown out will remember you and think of you when you are nothing more than a bunch of dried leaves being burnt into ashes. You will continue to live in their memories and perhaps only die when they are gone too.

Crumpled
Image Courtesy: Shoma

Dear life. I am happy to have you as a friend and companion because together we make a great pair. Especially now, when we have been through so much and seen life from such close quarters.

Grateful to have you around and, I promise to keep writing.

Love,

Shoma

Tree of life
Image Courtesy: Shoma